


The Kids Aren’t Alright

by warabiii_mochii



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Kang Daniel-centric, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Slice of Life, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-02-07 01:10:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12830118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warabiii_mochii/pseuds/warabiii_mochii
Summary: “If memories could be canned, would they also have expiry dates? If so, I hope they last for centuries.” - Chungking Express, 1994





	1. Blessed be the boys time can't capture

It was just a day like any other day in July, Daniel met Jihoon for the first time.

This year, summer got off to a slow start in Busan but it was quite a beautiful Saturday, there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. It was a day in which the sky looked so unbelievably and sharply blue, as if it wasn’t real. If Daniel could make a correct comparison, then that tone of blue somewhat resembles the shade of the suit on the young man in one of Jinwoo’s drawings, the guy standing in a wrecked room: shattered glass and bottles on the dressing table, the red liquor oozing down off the bedroom walls and running over the floor but all of those could not overlap the enthralling hue of blue he was wearing; Jinwoo named it “Blue Ruin” and the first time Daniel saw the painting, he thought that was such a bizarre shade of blue, it’s like the sky and the sea collapse in a strange motion to form a sinister veil embracing said young man. As strikingly clear-cut and somber as it was, Daniel never liked it. And Daniel used to like every single one of Jinwoo’s artworks.

Today should be pleasant, Daniel thought as he opened the window to get some air into his dark room. A faint breeze whispered temperately through the tops of the huge maple trees on the sidewalk, Daniel looked out to see Woojin carrying a large package from the truck to inside of the Park family’s dry-goods store. Poor kid, Daniel knew how much Woojin hated working at the store and getting nagged by his mom because he was never quick and clever enough to handle the customers while arranging the goods. But again, it’s summer and every kid in this neighborhood either runs down the small river near the crossroads in the south side of the town to the PC rooms quarter or does all the scutwork to help their parents with home business. Unfortunately, Woojin did not have the first option.

Daniel went back to bed after putting a CD into the player; Alex Turner’s moody and everything-and-nothing-all-at-one voice started echoing in the room, played with the chunky baselines to specifically sing about his penis in the opening track “My Propeller”. Daniel hummed along till the seventh, his favorite: “Cornerstone”, a song in which Alex sang about how he kept approaching women who look like his ex-girlfriend, only to ask if he could call them by her name. Daniel listened carefully, in between the sounds of uncertainty and acrimonious induction of a lost love, he could hear a familiar sound of the rolling pin working on kneaded dough and get a whiff of a riotous scent of honey and apricot coming from the kitchen downstairs. He came to a conclusion, his mom was making _sultteok,_ the summer type of rice cakes that both him and his brother like the most.

Daniel didn’t expect to see his mom walk into his room, she turned down the volume and told him to dress properly then come down to the living room because they have guests. The family moved to the house next to theirs just came by.

The woman must be in her late forty if Daniel guessed correctly. She dressed casually but neatly, she was sitting on the other side of the sofa, opposite to Daniel’s mom. Daniel bowed respectfully towards the woman then strengthened his back and casually said hello to a boy sitting next to his mother. The boy had a boring haircut, with a side-swept fringe covering his eyebrows; he immediately bowed in a 90-degree angle to Daniel, muttered a formal greeting and introduced himself: Park Jihoon, 16 years old.

The first thing Daniel noticed about the boy is his eyes. Jihoon’s eyes were piercing through his, _no manners_ , Daniel thought, but those eyes were far too beautiful to be real, a graceful mix of gray and brown. Suddenly, in the back of his mind, it’s Alex making an unexpected appearance and swooning a dreamy tune.

_“You have got that face that just says,_

_Baby I was made to break your heart.” (*)_

*

It was a day like any other day in July, Jihoon’s family moved into the house next to Daniel’s. That house had been abandoned for a while, the previous owner was an old man that developed dementia when he reached the age of 82, so his only son came to take him to the senior care facility in Seoul and put the house on sale. Jihoon’s family was also from Seoul, his mom said something about job relocation but Daniel didn’t pay much attention to that side of the story. He was busy observing Jihoon; the boy was wearing an over-sized shirt with a lot of white and pink patches all over, which barely hid his bony shoulders that slightly dropped in an endearing way; a sign of boredom, Daniel thought, their mothers had been chatting for half an hour and there’s no guarantee they will stop any time soon. It was all the typical things, how this neighborhood is nice and all the kids go to the local high school, it’s good and they are launching a gifted program for students who are capable of high performance.

Daniel had to suppress a laugh when he heard that part. Last summer, when he was working part-time at the store Woojin’s parents own, he witnessed how their second son, Daehwi, spent all his summer time either at school or being locked in his room studying only God and maybe the principle of the school knows why it’s important for a first-year high school kids, in order to get into the gifted class. Daehwi was miserable and often begged Woojin to lend him his phone behind their mom’s back so he could get at least 15 minutes of being a normal teenager, watching all other teenagers watch on YouTube these days. Daniel had to cover for both of them in the front, doing all the work that was supposed to be done by Woojin but the boy was busy being a good sibling, guarding Daehwi’s room to notify the younger when their mom came to check on the second child’s studying.

Daniel lifted his head absent-mindedly and met Jihoon’s gaze, he wondered if the boy in front of him is one of those kids with “superior intellectual development”. He looks normal to Daniel, pretty and normal but then, normalcy is just a misconception of perfection. Daniel would prefer reality, the world in between the shade of black and white, it’s brutal and it had caused Daniel several pains but he still chooses to live with it.

Jihoon’s mom brought a box of fresh homemade baked goods and Daniel’s mom thanked her repeatedly, saying she would visit tomorrow. Daniel silently wished his mom wouldn’t drag him with her by this time tomorrow while walking their guests through the hallway. The boy was behind him and mumbled a goodbye, their hands slightly brushed when the boy hurried to stand by his mom. Daniel studied his face for the last time before the mother and son walked out. Pretty, pretty, indeed.

*

It was around January when Daniel and Seongwoo broke up. They were arguing on the phone, Seongwoo let out a frustrated shout on the other side and Daniel took it as the end of what had been going on between them. “I’m fucking tired, Daniel. Let’s not meet ever again.” Time stopped then so did everything else. Conversations died out. No more talking. No more communications. Daniel compromised because what else he could do after he tried to put a lot of effort just to show that he cared. He could tell Seongwoo had been trying too but maybe, things had changed and it’d be probably better to let go. It’s a pattern and Daniel learnt it the hardest way, things don’t work out and people come then go, even the ones you thought you’d never lose.

Twenty days later, when Daniel was at the supermarket, confused by the long grocery list his mom handed him earlier and looking around to find a staff, he got a call from Seongwoo. It was short, the latter told Daniel he was going to Seoul for an audition at a model agency and then he said sorry in a hushed whisper. Daniel felt his vision became blurred; his throat was beginning to burn. He looked into the shopping cart, so far had only filled with three cartons of milk and a bag of dried seaweed, trying to call out Seongwoo’s name but it was whipped from his mouth, disappeared into the thick, unscented air in the milk aisle. “Be safe, hyung.” was the only thing Daniel could say back. Words he desperately wanted to say, they didn’t come out. Daniel didn’t understand, why his heart could still get hurt by something he’s seen coming.

Another Sunday in July came, Daniel opened the front door to let Jihoon in; the boy carried a bag of oranges and a few textbooks in his other arm. Something was wrong with the electricity in the house and Daniel’s mom told Mrs. Park to let Jihoon stay at their house till his mom could get in contact with the electric guy. Oranges were from Jihoon’s mom, obviously, and the textbooks were solely because his mom asked him to prepare for the placement test next month. Daniel smirked, watching Jihoon stumble in his room and undoubtedly forgot what his mom said before as the boy flopped down onto the floor and looked up to Daniel’s large collection of CDs displayed on the shelf.

“You have so many CDs, hyung.”

“Good observation,” Daniel replied, continued with boxes and papers he was busy sorting out before Jihoon came.

“Does this thing work, hyung?” The question drew Daniel’s attention and he realized Jihoon was pointing at his ancient Toshiba CD player. It was a gift from his elder brother on his fourteenth birthday. Daniel didn’t know how and where Jisung got it from and at that time, he didn’t care either. A few years later, he learnt it was one of the best models in the late 80s and Jisung spent three months working part time to buy it.

“Why don’t you test it yourself? Be careful with the shelf.”

Daniel stopped going through his stuff to watch Jihoon scan his collection. The boy stopped at Duran Duran and Slowdive then his eyes went over the top shelf, his knitted eyebrows and slightly twisted lips indicated unfamiliarity with Daniel’s taste in music. Daniel didn’t expect Jihoon would pull out "Alive 2007' by Daft Punk, but what shocked him was a thin stack of photos falling out.

Those were photos of him, Seongwoo, Jinwoo and Jisung when they went hiking a couple years ago, mostly taken by Jisung since he was the one with a film camera and the group was too familiar with Jisung’s hobby of taking pictures everywhere he went. The first one had Jinwoo making a goofy face while holding out a bag of gummy bears, the second one was three of them eating then a photo of Daniel and Seongwoo with their backs turning to the camera, walking down the track and holding hands. The last one of the two again, in the backseat of Jinwoo’s car and this time, Daniel kissed Seongwoo’s cheek.

Jihoon stared at the photos for a second before bending down to collect them and handing over to Daniel.

“Is this mountain near, hyung?”

“Not too far.” Daniel took the photos and threw them in the box of used worksheets and drafts. They were memories that should have been burned to ashes, no need to keep them around. He knew Jihoon was quietly watching him but Daniel didn’t care even if he was judging him, what does a pretty kid know? Nothing.

The enraptured robotic breakbeats of "Touch It/Technology" (**) kicked in and Jihoon started a strutting move, Daniel tapped his fingers on the side of his bed. So the boy next door knew popping, pretty cool and enthusiastic with his movement.

“The beat is fantastic, hyung,” Jihoon plastered on a wide grin, “I was on a dance team in my old school.”

“I don’t know much about this dance stuff but Woojin dances, you should meet him.”

“Who is Woojin?”

“Down the street, the dry-goods store, you two will probably meet at school anyway,” Daniel replied. He wouldn’t say he disliked Jihoon, he hadn’t done anything bothered Daniel yet. Actually, Daniel had been harboring a bit fondness towards the boy with the moon and stars in his eyes. But the thing is, Daniel isn’t good with babysitting and he didn’t know what to do with Jihoon walking back and forth in his room, playing with his dear Toshiba XR – 9037 by skipping tracks after tracks.

“Jihoon, shouldn’t you read your textbooks or do some homework?” Daniel sighed when Jihoon attempted to take a CD off the shelf. He probably hadn’t reached 1m70 yet, Daniel estimated Jihoon’s height and glanced down at his thin legs. He quickly adverted his gaze when the boy turned around, suddenly felt uneasy.

“I don’t want to, my mom just worries too much,” Jihoon sat down on the bed, playing with the Rubik’s cube he found next to Daniel’s pillow, “Sorry, hyung, I’ll be quiet. I’m not going to disturb you anymore.”

Daniel wished he could tell Jihoon he had ruined a quiet afternoon by choosing to play “Alive 2007” out of all CDs he owns, only to remind Daniel that those photos were there, yellowed but real and too painful to look at. Jihoon didn’t even blink when he saw those photos and Daniel wondered why.

*

The night came in slowly and softly. Daniel came out of the shower and was surprised to see Jihoon was still there, he thought the boy would have gone back home after dinner at Daniel’s house. Jihoon was playing with the cube again; it didn’t take him much time to finish the first time so Daniel didn’t know why he kept solving the puzzle.

“Can I sleep here, hyung?” Jihoon asked when he was only a switch move left to complete the cube. Daniel was impressed, no doubt.

“I’m sure your mom will go over here and drag you back, kiddo.” Daniel gave him a monotone reply.

“I don’t want to hear my mom talk about test again and again. Please, hyung.”

“Fine,” Daniel gave up as Jihoon practically begged him with his eyes, “Only this time, okay?”

Jihoon nodded like a five year old after receiving a golden star sticker from his teacher. The younger quickly changed and crawled into bed, pulled the blanket up to his chin and practically wrap himself up like a kimbab roll. Daniel didn’t like sleeping on the side with the wall but Jihoon had already made himself comfortable on his spot near the door, the younger reached for the lighter on the nightstand, swiveled his hands and made a few simple tricks. The light of fire flickered its golden warmth on Jihoon’s boyish face, his lips curved into a strange yet adorable expression. Daniel shook his head; he had been looking at Jihoon too often and too long in just one day.

Daniel grabbed the lighter and rolled the sparkwheel. The fire turned blue, then gradually died down to a gloomy yellow. He repeated a few times and both of them stared at the light sparkling and swinging for a few seconds before Daniel turned it off and snatched the blanket from Jihoon. The younger did not protest, just grunted and then adjusted himself closer to Daniel, his fingers naturally touched his left arm.

Daniel turned to face Jihoon, the younger was also lying on his side. In the dim moonlight that came through the grey curtains, Daniel saw Jihoon’s hair turned into a funky shade of blue and the younger smiled at him. Daniel closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, with a feeling of chaos interspersed with peace forming in his chest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) The title is a blatant rip off of Fall Out Boy's ["The Kids Aren't Alright"](https://youtu.be/PuGUUZqNfjE), the title of the first chapter is also taken from the lyrics (lol hope no one minds): 
> 
> (2) This story is solely inspired by the image of Daniel in The Musician promo video lol You know, the dark brown parted hair and black leather jacket completed his look on another level so well, you might find the characters here a bit OOC ;; Please forgive me ;_;
> 
> (*) Lyrics of ["Suck It and See"](https://youtu.be/PJSCfVSbWW0) \- Arctic Monkeys 
> 
> (**) ["Touch It/Technology"](https://youtu.be/NFxyYYRqobw) \- Daft Punk (I just think the beat really matches Jihoon's dance style)


	2. Water always goes where it wants to go

Summer hadn’t said goodbye to the town yet and until Daniel realized what’s going on, it has already become a routine between him and Jihoon. Their moms now are working in the same company, just different departments and Daniel’s mom suggested Jihoon and Yoojung, Jihoon’s niece come over and eat breakfast with Daniel then stay at their house as long as they want, just so Mrs. Park could leave home early and catch the train to the center without much hassle in the morning. Daniel wanted to protest because he didn’t plan to spend the last days of summer to take care of a teenager and a four-year-old little girl. He isn’t Jisung, who somehow always managed to communicate with kids. As Daniel recalled before entering university, Jisung usually spent his summertime for the kids on the block at the day camp that Daniel refused to join or help. Each time Jisung came back from his university, kids would flock over their house, ask him to tell them stories about Seoul or flash their stickers they gained at school and brag about the toys they finally made following Jisung’s instructions.

It was a lovely scene to watch. Daniel imagined if Jisung was here now, he would be the one wake up early and make breakfast for all of them, then French braid Yoojung’s hair and tell Daniel and Jihoon to go out and do something more productive than sitting in Daniel’s room, listening to The Smiths and playing Call of Duty all day. But Jisung isn’t here like he used to be, so Daniel took the role of being the one juggling with eggs and seaweed soup in the kitchen before Jihoon and Yoojung came over. Little Yoojung, being an innocent and honest kid as she is, pulled Jihoon’s shirt and pointed at the scrambled eggs dish then went: “Nami vomited on the carpet last night, it looked like this.” Daniel tried his best to not kick Jihoon under the table when the younger burst out laughing at Yoojung’s comment. “Shut up and eat your breakfast.” Daniel rolled his eyes but quickly realized he made a horrible mistake as Yoojung thought the elder was mad and started tearing up. “No, no, I was joking. I’m sorry, Yoojung-ah, I’ll buy ice cream after you eat, I promise.” Daniel frantically apologized and Jihoon continued shaking with laughter in his seat, to the point he choked on his soup and coughed violently.

“Serves you right,” Daniel said when handing Jihoon a glass of water and the latter guzzled down like his life depends on it.

“I’ll cook tomorrow, hyung,” Jihoon finally spoke up, “Your soup is too salty.”

“Fine, Chef.”

Jihoon kept his words and for the rest of their summer break, each morning, Daniel would walk into the kitchen, still in the trippy state between half asleep and half awake and find Jihoon wearing his mom’s apron, busy preparing breakfast with Yoojung sticking to his leg and singing a children’s song. By the end of their summer, Daniel admitted to himself that he actually favored the soup Jihoon made even more than the usual kind his mom does.

*

Sometimes Daniel and Jihoon had to stop their battle halfway because Yoojung didn’t want to watch cartoon alone and Daniel knew for the best that a four-year-old shouldn’t come to his room and see them shooting at enemies on the screen. So, they stopped and all came down to the living room to watch whatever cartoon or kid show Yoojung was watching. Daniel could sit through “Tom and Jerry” and enjoy “Oggy and the Cockroaches” to an extent he didn’t expect but half of the time, he would unintentionally advert his gaze from the TV to the boy sitting next to him, eyes glued on the screen and the corners of his lips curled, involuntarily, as he erupted in laughter with little Yoojung in his lap clapping her chubby toddler hands at the ridiculous scenarios. Jihoon has such an odd sort of spluttering laugh, what burst from his lips was an unrestrained and joyous chortle echoing through the halls and into each and every room in the house. It was contagious and Daniel cackled along with the two, making Jihoon turned to him. His lips still lifted upward, forming a bright smile with a faint expression of shyness as if he regretted laughing way too heartily in front of the neighbor he had known less than a month. Little did Jihoon know; the way his lips turn up in a grin, the way his teeth are perfectly aligned, the way he timidly lowers his head and makes an awkward hand gesture sent an unexpected warmth rushing through Daniel. Like he was standing at the sea with his toes in the sand, taking a pleasure in a burst wave caressingly crashes on the beach then ebbs away in a heartbeat, leaving a soft, fresh layer of sand shifting beneath his feet. And it’s a good feeling. Daniel wasn’t afraid to hurl his body into wave after wave even if his toes would grow white eventually. What’s so wrong if he wanted to stay a bit longer in the delightful glow of happiness that Jihoon’s laugh gave out?

There was a time when three of them were watching Oggy try his best to build an artistic outdoor pool for his girlfriend Olivia, Yoojung waved her hand in front of Daniel for attention and the latter finally noticed a big ring on her finger, clearly it was just a plastic toy coming in one of those popular chips bags for kids. The little girl proudly announced it was her engagement ring and Daniel was stunned for a second before he could utter a compliment, saying it was the most beautiful ring he’s ever seen. Then Yoojung, with her hands on her hips, asked Daniel in a voice the latter imagined every kid at the age of four would use when they want to be like an adult.

“Oppa, do you want to marry me?”

Jihoon dropped the remote and it landed on his feet, creating a painful sound.

“Yoojung!” Jihoon turned red-faced with frustration; he quickly got a hold of his niece and brought her back to his lap, “You don’t ask Daniel hyung to marry you.”

“Why?”

“Because you have an engagement ring, Yoojung-ah, your fiancé will not be happy.” Daniel saved Jihoon from the hardest question of the entire history of humankind, noticing the boy was embarrassed and pretended whatever is going on with the cartoon characters is far more interesting than the conversation between Daniel and Yoojung.

“She needs a lesson about marriage and Law of South Korea.” Daniel stretched his legs to Jihoon’s side of the sofa as Yoojung stood up to get her doll, his voice was filled with amusement, “And you need to be a more responsible uncle.”

“Shut up, hyung,” Jihoon replied furiously but still refused to make any eye-contact with Daniel. The latter chuckled; it seemed he’s gotten better at both babysitting and teasing Jihoon. So, that meant a win for Kang Daniel.

*

Daniel learned one or two things about Jihoon each day. The younger likes fried chicken, whole-heartedly and religiously. Also, he likes chill-hop and has a long playlist of different droning hip-hop beats blending with jazz elements, along with names of composers Daniel never heard of before.

They usually stayed in Daniel’s room after their hour-long battles, Jihoon would put his favorite playlist on repeat and they both lie down in bed, listening to the overflowing nostalgic sound. They barely talked and Daniel liked it that way. The sun is setting outside the large bedroom window and Daniel could get a glimpse of the town is glowing in a warm peachy light. Moments like these brought him back to the times he was at Jinwoo’s house with his brother, sitting on the terrace and watching the elder draw, all in one neighborly scene: the houses with tainted walls and wooden roofs rising up the hill, the quiet fountain near the crossroads, the crimson bridge and the small river running down in an offbeat rhythm. Daniel took a deep breath, it’s fascinating how the town doesn’t change that much over the years yet he couldn’t say the same about people around him. Jisung is now too far and out of his reach, Jinwoo hasn’t texted him for months or updated anything on his SNS, Seongwoo left and last week, Jaehwan told Daniel he might just give up on his band project and would probably manage their family’s liquor store after his graduation. Daniel wasn’t the person he used to be either, he knew it but deep down in his own psyche, he was still yearning for the good old days.  

Daniel asked Jihoon if the younger wanted to go out to the secondhand records store in the city center and Jihoon nodded eagerly. The store is small and a little less than anyone would say about cleanliness. The carpet was stained. There was always an indistinct scent of ramen, half-burned candles and hairspray mixed with the strong savour of plastic wrap and laminated cardboard over an underlying mustiness. On the dirty glass doors are flyers of local independent bands, simply with dates and time of where they are going to perform this week. It never ceased to amaze Daniel, the inviting smell of the stores and the number of CDs and old vinyl stacked high up the walls. This place offered him not only good music but a modest zone of comfort; outside this store, people are walking around with headphones on and tuning everyone else out but inside this store, Daniel can hear the soft, melodic violin playing on the vintage CD player at the owner’s desk filling in the cozy room, and the footsteps upon the carpet from other customers quietly browsing in the next aisle.

Daniel happily picked a Boohwal’s album, “Loss of Memory”. Daniel remembered the first time he heard the song “The more I love you” (*) on the radio, it was too heavy for a fourteen teenager to sympathize with the pain of someone got left behind but he thought the guitar solo part was really phenomenal. He had been looking for a physical copy but only until now, he could get his hands on an old one. Daniel looked around and saw Jihoon at the corner of the store. The boy was bringing a CD close to his eye level, his face lit up with a satisfied smile that got Daniel curious.

“What you got there, kiddo?” Daniel spoke over Jihoon’s shoulder, and Jihoon lightly jerked his head.

“Nujabes, I never thought I would find one of his albums in a place… like this.” Jihoon held the CD tightly in his hands, he looked at Daniel who cocked his eyebrows at him and continued, “He’s a Japanese producer, DJ, composer, he’s the master of so many things, hyung. I’m taking this one.”

They stayed in the store for a while; Jihoon’s eyes widened when Daniel took the Nujabes CD and handed both of their picks to the owner when paying. The owner knew Daniel, he casually took the money Daniel gave him and ignored Jihoon’s attempt to pay with his own cash.

“For your upcoming exam, hope you ace it, kiddo.” Daniel put the CD back in Jihoon’s hands when both of them walked out of the store. Jihoon mumbled a small “thank you” and they started walking to the bus stop in silence. Jihoon pulled out his phone and offered the left side of his earphones to Daniel; his finger tapped the screen and stopped at a track named [“Aruarian Dance”](https://youtu.be/TYRDgd3Tb44)(**).

“One of Nujabes’s best tracks ever made, hyung, it even has a complicated history.” Jihoon gave a brief introduction and Daniel thought this might be the first time he saw the younger was serious and passionate about something, besides the time he burst a move to the tune of Daft Punk.

Daniel adjusted the earphones a bit as the melody started with slow peaceful strokes of the guitar built up gradually until half of the track, and then came some playful arrangements. Daniel closed his eyes; he was infused with a serendipitous feeling of serenity and nostalgia. The beat went on and Daniel pictured himself years ago, in one summer night, sitting out on the patio of the guest house near the beach their family went to. Daniel twisted his ankle when playing with some kids in the morning so he couldn’t go to the festival and see the firework; he was sulking all day about it until Jisung said he would stay with him and went out buying a whole lot of sparklers. Then the beat brought him back to the night in his eleventh grade. It was an overnight field trip. Jaehwan was the first suggested they should sneak out and explore the forest near their camp. It was a stupid idea but at the age of seventeen, where one could put into words without hesitation about the things they felt, shout out with their loud voice all kinds of ridiculous things popped up in their young minds and not feel embarrassed at all, they all went into the forest with no sense of fear, just curiosity. Everything was simple and happy at that time.

“Hyung, can I borrow your CD some time?” Jihoon asked when they reached home and stopped in front of the younger’s house.

“Any time you want.” Daniel smiled and that emotion hurricane from the night Jihoon slept at his house started winding up in his chest again. Without knowing why Daniel brought a hand to Jihoon’s cheek but a quick realization dawned on him so he stopped halfway, settled with a light touch on the younger’s shoulder.

“Go home.”

“You too, hyung. Thanks again, for the album.”

*

Yoojung wanted to go swimming, Daniel and Jihoon complied. Only until they reached the pool, Daniel realized they look like a weird bunch of siblings at a place full of kids around the same age as Yoojung and some are high-schoolers like Jihoon going with their parents. Daniel chose to sit beside the pool, getting several suspicious stares from the moms sitting around and watching their kids get into the water. Daniel played the oblivious card and pretended to be the good oldest brother who looks nothing like his younger siblings by cheering loudly as Yoojung finally could swim further than one-third of the pool length, obviously with some help from Jihoon staying beside her. Jihoon looked up at him, made a face of “stop-it-you-are-embarrassing-yourself-and-me-too” but Daniel just grinned and continued his shout of joy.

The other times, Daniel and Jihoon went to swimming pool without Yoojung in the early morning. The sun hadn’t topped the trees on the east side of the town yet and the only people went to the pool were just Daniel, Jihoon and a few other young guys and girls. Jihoon suggested a race but lost eventually, he ignored Daniel’s lame tease and started swimming on his back. His legs executed some lazy flutter kicks and the younger suggested another game: guessing the shape of clouds. This time it was Daniel who lost because instead of watching the clouds hanging up in the sky and trying to match them with the shape of a rabbit wearing a huge fedora hat or a tea kettle with a broken handle, Daniel would steal some glances at the boy floating in the water next to him. Jihoon looked a lot more innocent at this angle, his hair was dampened and his porcelain bare skin made Daniel felt guilty for staring longer than ten seconds.

“I like that Boohwal’s album you lent me,” Jihoon suddenly said as they were walking back home and Daniel nodded in reply.

“The more I love you, I like that song a lot.” The younger continued and Daniel’s heart skipped a beat.

“Me too.”

Later that night, Daniel lay down in bed and slept away with the tune of “Aruarian Dance” filling in his room. In his dream, he saw the ghost of all people who’ve come and gone. It was the strangest sense of detachment Daniel had ever experienced. Everyone was walking in their own circular shape of glass, Daniel could see through their despair and exhilaration, he could touch the glass but he chose to stay in his spot and watched it all from the outside. And then there was Jihoon, appearing out of nowhere, gently took his hand and gave it a slight squeeze.

“Let’s go to the records store today, hyung.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*) Boohwal is a Korean rock band formed in the early 80s. Their song ["The more I love you"](https://youtu.be/88u6FQdoU3k) is a huge hit back then.
> 
> (**) Nujabes, a Japanese composer, producer, and DJ (yes, he's the genius master of everything musically) and the track "Aruarian Dance" is one of his most famous works, appeared in "Samurai Champloo Music Record: Departure" soundtrack album of the anime with the same name. (I embedded the link and I highly recommend you to listen to this masterpiece)
> 
> I want to say I'm genuinely grateful for every hit, comment, and kudo you guys left on this story. Honestly, I'm beyond thankful for your support and glad that you guys said this is not OOC *sobs* You guys totally made my day!!! And I'm sorry for this late update, life has been hectic lately and I lost a large amount of data on my laptop, including some drafts of this story /sigh/ so I started again from nothing, hope you guys aren't disappointed <3


	3. Resolved for my life to wear a funeral suit (*)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of smoking and suicide.

August came like cinnamon, a bit sweet and a little bitter. Jihoon took the placement test and the result came out wasn’t much brilliant, he was put in the same class as Woojin and the two quickly became friends. Daniel checked his finals scores from the previous term, not too bad for someone who has almost zero passion in his chosen field. International Trade wasn’t what Daniel wanted but it was the major department that holds the highest reputation at his college and guarantees their students would easily get at least one job offer by the time they graduate. And the second Daniel caught the sight of his mom standing at his desk and her hand was trembling when reading his application for College of English in Hankuk University, he decided to settle on a choice that didn’t require him to go to Seoul.

Their summer routine changed up a bit with Mrs. Park taking Yoojung to the kindergarten in the morning. Daniel and Jihoon took the bus, the distance from their houses to the bus stop was not too long and both walked in comfortable silence. Sometimes Jihoon would strike one or two questions about Math while yawning like a toothless hippo, that made Daniel hold an obvious snicker before answering and dodging the younger’s playful punch on his arm.

Thursdays and sometimes on Fridays, Mrs. Park had to stay back until late night at the office so Jihoon would pick Yoojung up from school, and Daniel voluntarily tagged along after they got off the bus. When they reached the kindergarten, it was like at the swimming pool except for this time, no suspicious stares from the parents are thrown at Daniel when he stood next to Jihoon and waved at Yoojung as the little girl ran out of her class with a bunch of other kids. She peaked her head right up and threw herself into Daniel’s open arms, shouting “Oppa” and giggling while Jihoon tried his best to pull her back so he could wipe the colored pencil stains off her face or tie her shoelaces. Things totally changed, Daniel thought, he used to go straight from the university to his home and sleep like a log till his mom calls for dinner or hang out with Jaehwan and Seongwoo at the small pub near the campus. Now he’s making comical faces at kids who walk by and stare at him as if he’s a giant weirdo while patiently waiting till Jihoon finished fixing Yoojung’s pigtails. Their walk back home from the kindergarten was less quiet than it usually was with only Jihoon and Daniel in the morning, Yoojung taught the two all the happy children songs she learned at school and there was no way her “Niel oppa” and “Jigoonie” could reject her request. So, they sang together, earning some claps from the granny at the fish cake stall on the way. Jihoon's voice when singing is not much different from his normal talking voice, still on the low range with a noticeable trace of huskiness going inconsequentially into the strong wind. From that day, Daniel no longer thought Jaehwan is the best vocalist he’s ever known in real life, it’s Jihoon.

*

August in Busan means summer monsoon and heavy rainfall. One morning, Daniel and Jihoon walked side by side to the bus stop as usual, sharing one umbrella and it caused one side of Daniel’s shirt wet while the other side of Jihoon’s uniform was no better. Jihoon hummed a tune that Daniel recognized it was “Break Up For You, Not Yet For Me” by Standing Egg. There was coarseness to the younger’s hum, his breath hitched at the chorus but Daniel didn’t mind, he was soaking in the sound. His memory traveled back to the eventful morning in early August last year, he and Seongwoo were sitting on the same bench, waiting for a bus without any destination in their minds. They were exhausted and distressed. The rain kept falling down in crazy chaotic drops, battering the roofs of the house opposite the bus stop like a hail of bullets. And in addition to the symphony of the bad weather, the wind gusting through the branches of trees on the street carried ponderous rain droplets away. Heartlessly and unceasingly.  

Rain and tears mingled on Daniel’s face and he shivered deep in the dampness irking his bones and coldness creeping over his skin, but those weren’t enough to pull him away from the pain and the uncertainty of what happened. He turned to Seongwoo, the latter took out a pack of cigarettes and started smoking. One cigarette to another. Daniel watched the Red Marlboro dangling dangerously in Seongwoo’s slim fingers and asked for one despite never smoking before. Seongwoo sighed with sorrow and handed over his pack. As soon as the smoke filled in Daniel’s chest, his mouth got a flavour of something between burnt popcorn and nasty metallic taste. He coughed; his throat seemed to radiate heat and put a pressure on his chest. Seongwoo reached out and gently touched his back but Daniel whisked away. He raised the cigarette again, drew firmly on it and pulled in more smoke and this time, his lungs were hammered by the hit as if someone put in a piece of coal. There came a buzz, it’s powerful yet numbing and Daniel felt like the light of the world had fallen on him, hard. Something was wrong, his brain was telling him to turn back and tell Seongwoo this is going beyond his endurance or else he would collapse at any second. And something was just right, he felt a little light-headed yet content, just as he had escaped from the utterly wretched reality in a mere second. Seongwoo didn’t give him another cigarette after that, they stayed at the bus top till Seongwoo received a call from Jinwoo and both of them went back to Daniel’s house.

“Hyung, what are you thinking?” Jihoon’s voice yanked Daniel to reality. The younger was looking at him, expecting an answer. For a long moment, their eyes bored into each other and Daniel opened his mouth, throwing out a lie.

“I have a presentation today. Just going over some details in my head.”

Jihoon didn’t question further, the younger shifted his focus back on the Rubik’s cube between his hands. The clouds continued crying, Daniel sat closer to Jihoon. Their arms that weren’t wet slightly brushed but the younger didn’t move and they continued sitting still, waiting for the bus that eventually came late due to the heavy rain.

*

There are some sounds that stay with you, pervading your thoughts and taking a large space in your mind and would eventually become parts of the things you carry for the rest of your life. A mother would always remember the crying sound of her first-born child, an elementary kid would tell you about the day he went to the zoo and heard the lion roar majestically, and a young man in his early thirty might say he remembers very distinctly when the first bars of his all-time favourite song came out of the darkness at the concert he went to when he was eighteen. Ask anyone what the most memorable sound they’ve ever heard in their life and you will have several stories, some are beautiful and pleasant while some are not as so.

For Daniel, one was the time he was sprinting down the runway at his elementary school’s sports day and landed flat as he tripped over himself. It hurt terribly but Daniel stood straight up when he heard a vigorous scream coming from Jisung in the audience. Years later, Daniel still remembered and teased his brother about it. If there was an Olympic sport for screeching, he would have gotten a gold medal for shouting Daniel’s name as if he was Audrey Hepburn in “My Fair Lady” screaming: “Come on, Dover! Move your bloomin’ arse!”, except for the fact he wasn’t wearing a fancy outfit but a neon green tracksuit and a headband with Daniel’s name written in red.

The second time was when his mom opened the door to meet with two detectives from Seoul. They presented their credentials and asked to come in. Daniel was texting Jisung asking when exactly he would come home for summer break, he put his phone back in his pocket as the detective who wore a pair of round glasses that looked like he inherited from his grandfather started to speak.

“I have a very bad news to tell you. It appeared that your son, Kang Jisung, committed suicide early yesterday morning. We found a suicide note on his pillow. We had a handwriting expert compared the signature on the note with the one on your son’s driver’s license and we believe it to be his own handwriting. I am so sorry this happened.”

His mom let out an excruciating scream with her whole body, breaking through every corner of the room. Her eyes widened in horror, her face turned pale and closed in grimace. The scream came again, desperate and terrified, almost sounded like the cries of one with broken bones and rigid muscles. Her scream tore through Daniel like an enormous shard of glass, he felt his body paralyzed and unknowingly clenched his fists with blanched knuckles and nails digging deeply into the palms of his hands. His heart was pounding out of his chest and there was a sense of agony resonated throughout every fiber of his entire being. It was like someone reaching inside of him and pulling his guts out with their bare hands. Apparently, he screamed too but he barely recalled that part, only the sharp pain that was like a knife being twisted in his spine when he knelt down to check on his mom with the other detective.

It was a summer day in early August, Daniel knew Jisung would finally return from his university for summer break, even though the time was much later than usual and his brother didn’t come back in a conventional way. The note he left was nothing but one sentence and a sorry: _“I thought I knew how to live but I didn’t. Mom, Dad, Niel-ah, I am so sorry.”_

The funeral was all black clothes and solemn faces, each one of them with teary puffed red eyes. Everyone mourned over the death of a young man with his heart made of gold. By the time Daniel no longer could accept any condolences and ran off with Seongwoo to the bus stop, bullets of rain from ragged dark clouds came pouring down. He could hear his dad called after him but he needed to be at another place where he could ease the emptiness in his heart, the numbness thudding his brain and running in his veins, also stop the salty drops falling down his cheeks. And so, he lit the very first cigarette in his life.

*

25th August is Seongwoo’s birthday.

Daniel wondered if it’s okay to send a happy birthday message. These days, during the sleepless nights where Daniel woke up at four in the morning and struggled to sleep again, only ended up staring at the ceiling till his alarm went off, he thought of Seongwoo. In his tired heart, he retracted the last moments of their broken relationship and felt the weight of nothingness taking over him. It wasn’t regrets, he had done regretting when he realized no matter how much he yearns to go back and take a different path or say different words, the clock isn’t going to turn back. It wasn’t heartache either, what he had with Seongwoo had become an old wound. But it’s also a thing about a wound that takes longer than three weeks to recover, a scar would form. Every now and then, it itches and keeps him up at nights, making him want to wipe away the non-existent tears that he wanted to form but couldn’t. Lying alone in bed, Daniel tried reasoning the fact how fragile human relationships are. He was friends with Seongwoo, then lovers. They went through dark times and also happier moments, their hearts interlocked the same way their fingers did but one day, it just stopped.

Daniel received a text from Jaehwan when he was about to doze off in class. “8:30 tonight. Still at Wannable. Bring everyone.” Daniel smiled at the message. A few days ago, Jaehwan said he hit it off with this newbie at the guitar club and they were going to perform as a duo at the coffee shop Jaehwan’s uncle owns. Sewoon or Sewoong, Daniel tried to recall the name of the guy Jaehwan told him about while sending a group text to their mutual friends, telling them about the gig.

 _“My friend is singing at this café tonight. Wanna come?”_ Daniel sent a separate message, feeling nervous when three minutes had passed but he got no answer. Replies from his group text earlier kept popping up on the notification bar, testing Daniel’s patience.

_“Sure, hyung.”_

Daniel smiled widely, causing Hyunbin, who turned around asking for a pencil, to stop his question midway and look at Daniel as if he’s grown another head.

“If you’re that happy to be in this class, you surely need a brain check,” Hyunbin said sarcastically.

“I don’t. By the way, tell your friends to come to Wannable tonight. Jaehwan is performing.”

“Okay.”

Daniel knocked on the door of the house next to his at 8:00 p.m., Mrs. Park opened the door, wearing a warm motherly smile on her face and telling Daniel to come in but Jihoon had come downstairs and waved at the elder. They caught the bus to a stop near the coffee shop, Jihoon seemed to be excited and kept talking during their walk. He told Daniel everything happened at school, from the substitute Chemistry teacher who had a bald spot that looked like a strawberry to the story of Woojin making a mess out of himself in front of the prettiest girl in their class. Daniel laughed when Jihoon tried to imitate Woojin’s clumsy move, his heart flickered as Jihoon nearly lost his balance and quickly grabbed on the elder’s shoulder for support. Jihoon looked good tonight, Daniel can’t understand how one could be so obsessed with over-sized shirts but the blue checkered one Jihoon was wearing did make the younger even more adorable than he already is. Evidently, Daniel’s friends had the same impression. Sungwoon and Minhyun greeted them when they met outside the coffee shop, and Sungwoon somehow managed to compliment on Jihoon’s cuteness three times in just five minutes chatting.

Jaehwan and Sewoon had great chemistry and their cover of Park Hyoshin’s “Happy Together” got everyone at the tables going and clapping when their performance ended. Daniel and Jihoon left after the fourth song since Jihoon wasn’t allowed to stay out too late. Jihoon held on Daniel’s arm as he took the lead through the narrow space between tables to the front door, the younger bumped into Daniel’s back when the latter suddenly stopped.

“Hyung, why…” Jihoon whined then he stopped too, his mouth slightly gaped with surprise when he realized why Daniel froze in his spot. There he was, the good-looking young man with a sharp jawline and a half-turned smile hanging on his lips, the one appearing in the bleached film photos Jihoon accidentally found in between the albums on the shelf in Daniel’s room before, standing at the doorway and staring back at Daniel.

“Been a while, Daniel,” It was Seongwoo who broke the silence, “How are you?”

“I didn’t know you came back,” Daniel wondered if Jaehwan knew and invited Seongwoo without telling him. He couldn’t blame Jaehwan, though. Nobody mentioned Seongwoo to Daniel after the two parted away. But meeting Seongwoo unexpectedly like this, after months not knowing anything from the other and especially today, his birthday, Daniel didn’t know what else to say or answer his question.

“My grandma got sick,” Seongwoo shrugged, his eyes traveled to the boy standing next to Daniel then quickly back to his ex-boyfriend, “I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“We’re going now, hyung,” Daniel replied reluctantly, his skin tingled as Jihoon’s fingers slipped away from his arm, “Enjoy the show.”

“Happy birthday, hyung.” Words escaped from Daniel’s mouth before he was aware of what he just did. Seongwoo was taken aback, for a millisecond Daniel thought he saw a glint of sadness in the almond-shaped eyes he once fell in love with before they turned cold and unreadable again.

“Thank you.”

And they went different ways. Daniel felt like Jihoon was keeping a distance between them even though they were still walking side by side; there seemed to be something solid like concrete thickening in the air that made Daniel unable to open his mouth.

“They are going to perform this Sunday afternoon. Not sure about the place, though. We can stay longer than today.” Daniel started, trying to sound as natural as possible.

“Your friend, he looks handsome.” Jihoon’s reply was far from anything Daniel expected. All he could do was nodding his head.

“The one in your photos, right?”

Another nod.

“Hyung, do you love him?”

“I did,” Daniel sighed, this boy is going to cause him heart attack someday, “Things just didn’t work out for us. I’m sorry, kiddo if it made you uncomfortable earlier.”

“I wasn’t.”

Jihoon said it with a little less of confidence in his low voice then hummed softly a tune Daniel couldn’t tell which song it was. They went back home on the night bus, there were no other passengers except an old man snoring loudly in the seat of the opposite row. An utter wave of exhaustion washed over Daniel, he leaned back further against the headrest and closed his eyes but quickly snapped open when Jihoon rested his head on the elder’s shoulder. Daniel swore his heartbeat was becoming audible. He was afraid Jihoon could hear but truth is, he was too self-conscious since the younger didn’t move away. A smile formed on Daniel’s lips and he started breathing deeply and evenly. He looked out through the glass windows, the fluorescent lights from the signs and boards on the street casted their shadows upon and Jihoon’s reflection and his own, blending in one vivid blur. Daniel felt overwhelmed, more than that, it was an intricate state of mind and soul that he couldn’t really put into words if anyone asked him right now. This is how he is, haunted by the past and nervous about what is waiting for him in the future and unsure of which parts of him are still functioning properly. But there was a firm tenderness finding its way to his chest, lacing with the flowery scent of shampoo in Jihoon’s hair tangling in the air and it miraculously calmed his anxious mind.

The night is closing in and for the first time after days pushing himself closer to the edge of desolation, Daniel felt content, and genuinely happy from within.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*) The title of this chapter is the lyrics from [Corpse Roads](https://youtu.be/UAOEOCji3_E) \- Keaton Henson
> 
> Also here are links to the songs in this chapter: 
> 
> \+ [Break Up For You, Not Yet For Me - Standing Egg](https://youtu.be/Gx808ApYSFI)
> 
> \+ [ Happy Together - Park Hyoshin](https://youtu.be/kYCW7Ea9p1E)
> 
> (Please listen and imagine our visual Kim Jaehwan perform this song *die*)


	4. The ballad of big nothing

Daniel came home late and found a note on the fridge, his mom said she would return home around 11 p.m. and told him to call Jihoon over for dinner. Daniel tapped the note a few times, his brows furrowed in confusion as Jihoon and Yoojung would usually come for dinner and his mom never forgot to mention both of them.

He put the soup bowl in the microwave and walked upstairs to get his phone, sending a text to Jihoon. The younger replied with an “Okay” that made Daniel rolled his eyes. They’ve become close and Daniel never minded when Jihoon called him “Daniel” or “Niel” without an honorific but sometimes, he couldn’t help but think he was slowly letting Jihoon have him wrapped around his finger. Daniel shook his head, realizing how ridiculous it sounded and headed back to the kitchen. Jihoon came in without Yoojung sticking to his leg, babbling about her every little thing happened at the kindergarten as usual. The boy looked a bit off like something had been bothering him. Daniel is used to a quiet Jihoon who isn’t always emotionally expressive on the surface, except when he’s taking care of Yoojung or playing games with Daniel. Sometimes he would make irrelevant quirky comments to the subject of their conversation or ask questions that give Daniel a hard time to reply with appropriate answers but most of the time, Jihoon’s reserved attitude makes the others think he’s older than his actual age, no matter how innocent he looks. Daniel is on the opposite, he belongs to that group of people who open the cage and let those emotional birds fly free quite often. Or he used to that kind of person. Both he and Seongwoo were the emotionally honest type and Daniel wondered if that was the cause of their habitual quarrels back then.

Jihoon didn’t greet him with his signature half-crooked smile, his face was rather blank and impassive like one of those kids in high school who was doomed to be selected for a role of an unmoving tree in a school’s play for Christmas. Daniel was amused by his own thought but tried to hold in laughter, he had no intention to summon an upset Jihoon.

They heat up some dishes Daniel’s mom prepared since morning. Daniel hesitated when Jihoon picked a can of beer along with the container of beef stew and asked him in all seriousness: “Hyung, Can I drink?” Daniel was one hundred percent sure either his mom or Mrs. Park would light his ass on fire then shave his head if they ever find out about this but Jihoon was looking at him with the same eyes the night he begged the elder to let him stay. It didn’t help with the way he pressed his lips tight to stop any more plea might escape, that reminded Daniel of himself when he was at Jihoon’s age, he kept pestering Jisung until his brother gave in and allowed Daniel to take half of his beer while two of them stayed up late on one New Year’s Eve. Daniel sighed, showing his agreement by nodding his head and Jihoon smiled like a happy child. _This is so wrong_ , Daniel silently cursed himself as Jihoon cracked open his beer, and he made a mental note to make sure the latter would only drink half of the can.

“Where’s Yoojung?”

“Going with my mom to visit my brother,” Jihoon answered without looking at Daniel, he reached for the remote and turned on the TV. A financial news program was showing and Jihoon clearly had zero interest in stock investment or the news regarding a bitcoin exchange heist, he flicked through a few channels the stopped at MTV. Sam Smith was getting devastated yet still humble-bragging in the depth of melancholia with “Too Good at Goodbyes”, Daniel clicked his tongue in annoyance. He never was a big fan of the British singer with the trademark aching tenor all over the place in each and every mournful one-sided love song he’s ever recorded. And for a song about a man who longs for love yet is too vulnerable to make a romantic commitment and end up push his loved one away, Daniel doesn’t feel it, except for the longing piano chords mixing with some finger-snapping tune. Jihoon seems to adore the singer, though. His eyes never left the screen.

“Why didn’t you go with them?”

“I don’t want to see him,” Jihoon shrugged, retreating to the TV again but Daniel caught a glimpse of something painfully downhearted in his eyes, so he decided he’s better not asking any further question.

Daniel overheard the talk between his mom and Mrs. Park a few times. Jihoon’s parents divorced when he was five, his mom took full custody of their children and his dad never came around. Jihoon’s brother grew up to be a troublemaker, from fighting and all sort of breaking the rules in high school to straight up joining a gang and knocking up a girl when he was twenty-one, that led to a shotgun wedding and baby Yoojung came to the scene. The marriage wasn’t anything concrete to keep the troubled man sober and be an upright person. Eventually, the young mother left and Jihoon’s mom took care of her unfortunate grandchild while her eldest son was serving his time for multiple assault charges. Realization dawned on Daniel, this is actually the first time Jihoon mentioned his brother in a conversation while Daniel never said anything about Jisung to the younger. He didn’t know if it’s right to call what’s in their lives similarities. They both live in the households without the presence of their dads, their brothers did things that left them in a battle of scars and confusion and they don’t want the other to know about it. Daniel understood now, why Jihoon sometimes got quite overprotective of his niece, why Jihoon turned away when local news program on TV reported crimes accompanied by anchors’ “happy talk” chatter about weather and sports.

There must have been bad memories for Jihoon, the ones he probably wished could put them in the garbage can where they belong and forget, or better yet put them in a box, lock them up and bury in a place no one would ever remember. Daniel used to think there should be a way to stop time when these kinds of things happen, so he, or Jihoon, or anyone who suffers would be able to wipe out all the images, the shadows and the scents of certain ones even just for some minutes. Memories, even the peaceful ones, are like pinpoint needles piercing their skin each time the picture of the ones who went away flashed through their minds.

They cleaned up together after dinner, and then came to Daniel’s room to play games. Jihoon lost three times in a row, one thing that never happened before. He dropped the controller to the floor, threw his head back against the side of the bed and sighed in defeat. Daniel didn’t tease him like he always did each time the younger lost their battle, he patted Jihoon’s shoulder before standing up to find something fun to put in the CD player.

“How was practice with Woojin today?”

“He ditched me for a date with his girlfriend,” Jihoon grumbled, “We aren’t going to pass the preliminary round if we don’t make any improvement by the end of next week.”

“Woojin’s got a girlfriend,” Daniel repeated himself twice and Jihoon nodded, raising an eyebrow mockingly at Daniel’s direction as the elder continued, “I guess the Sun will rise from West tomorrow.” 

“He’s not that bad, hyung,” Jihoon snickered, “Or his girlfriend has low standards, we don’t know.”

It was Daniel’s turn to let out a deep rumbling laughter, and then jerked his head towards the younger.

“And you, kiddo?”

“Me?”

“Girlfriend? Got any confession at school, huh?” Daniel smirked but the corners of his mouth quickly turned down into a tiny frown when the younger didn’t smile or tossed back a wacky remark. Jihoon pursed his lips then opened his mouth, answering Daniel’s question with no hesitation. Each of his words was like a stone casts into a quiet lake, making quavering waves moving in circles and stirring the undisturbed water on the surface.

“I do not like girls.”

There was a long silence, at the same time, it was not uncomfortable. It was just like every time their battle ended but Jihoon stayed and Daniel let the younger do whatever he wanted in his room while he continued working his papers. Daniel jokingly said Jihoon could sleep here in case the younger was so scared to be home alone through the night, which earned him a hurtful kick in his shin and a half-hearted insult from the younger.

It was around 2 a.m. when Daniel decided his group project could wait until tomorrow and went to bed. Jihoon was sleeping soundly already and Daniel watched him closely. His body was at rest and his eyelids were closed, but the boy unconsciously curled his fingers into the mattress and pressed his cheek deeper to the thick pillow. Daniel sighed, it’s okay if Jihoon sees him as an older brother even though Daniel is not much of a reliable adult. Even so, it’s sad. Daniel recalled the mornings Jihoon made breakfast for three of them, the afternoons they took Yoojung to the swimming pool and several times they picked the little girl up from kindergarten as if there were only them watching out for each other. The thought weighed down on Daniel, he reached out to Jihoon’s soft black hair gently, and then pulled the loose cotton blanket up to his chin. Afterwards, he settled next to the younger, turning off the light and allowing darkness to envelop both of them. He soon went off to the call of sleep.

*

Daniel used to hear Jinwoo and Jisung talk about leaving the town and traveling around the world to help children. Daniel imagined a picture of them, two young men with heavy backpacks on their shoulders, stained worn out canvas shoes and bright, loving smiles upon their faces going to places Daniel might never know. They would take steps to build better homes, better schools for the children who need those things the most. Reality is harsh, though. The image Daniel treasured a lot became a memory, a faded shadow lingering in the depth of his mind.

Jinwoo came back one day in early September. Daniel looked at the hyung in front of him in disbelief when the latter appeared on the doorstep. Jinwoo looked a lot thinner than the last time Daniel saw him, which was three months after the funeral and the elder told him he signed up voluntarily to a non-profit organization and would go for a project to bring life-changing care to the orphans in a tropical country. “He suggested first. I need to go, Daniel. The children need people who care and I need some time.” Jinwoo said to Daniel when they were waiting at the airport. It was a freezing cold winter day, Daniel sent Jinwoo off with a bitter smile; it was also the first time Daniel had a thought that sooner or later, each and every one he knows in this town is going to leave him behind. The painting “Blue Ruin” Jinwoo gave him the same day, Daniel hid it in the back of his closet and had no intention to bring it out ever.

Jinwoo gave Daniel a firm hug then greeted everyone in the room. Mrs. Park and Jihoon were surprised but welcomed him in all sincerity. Daniel could tell he just got dethroned from the first place in princess Yoojung’s favourite oppa list, also he noticed Jihoon was probably thinking the same. They exchanged a playful knowing glance at one another when Jinwoo knelt down to her eye level and gave the little girl a colourful bead bracelet, saying it’s from a very far away mountain and there’s only one exists in this world. The dinner kept going, everyone was eager to hear Jinwoo tell stories about where he had been and the local people he had met.

Daniel noticed his mother was restraining herself and tears had gathered in her eyes yet she tried not to cry, probably didn’t want to make the neighbour’s family uncomfortable. Jinwoo and Jisung were inseparable since they were small, Daniel’s mom treated Jinwoo like her own son and would never question twice when Daniel told her he was going to Jinwoo’s house, regarding with or without Jisung. Daniel learned to draw from Jinwoo, the elder was passionate about drawing more than anyone Daniel’s ever met in his life. Daniel also started reading comics because Jinwoo loved comics with all his heart, even though Jisung used to complain he had enough of waiting for them to finish the latest volume of “Noblesse” till they can all go out and enjoy something different.

Daniel barely drew anything after getting into high school; he didn’t have a talent for it. His habit of reading comics became old. Random comics books with frayed cover, unfinished paintings with no particular layouts, Daniel found all of them in the bottom drawer of his desk one day and felt a sense of detachment. He had truly changed this much, just like everyone else but only realizing until he laid a hand on those insignificant objects. Like waking up from a long sleep, Daniel wondered how many other trivial little things he might have forgotten over the years.

Jinwoo leaned against the door of Daniel’s room, pointing at the large window which is on the opposite of the Park’s family and smiling widely.

“I see you’ve got a cute boyfriend. The kid seems nice.”

“We are not dating, hyung,” Daniel threw his Rubik’s cube at Jinwoo but the latter caught it easily, “And keep your voice down.”

“You can fool anyone but me, Niel. I saw you two smile at each other, right at the table and may I get an explanation why you stood so close to the kid when he was washing dishes? I don’t remember you like doing chores that much, right?”

“Stop it, you are making me sound like a pervert,” Daniel’s face is heating up and he hated it, “Go talk to my mom, you know she misses you a lot.”

“Alright.”

There was tiredness in Jinwoo’s eyes and a hint of sorrow when he walked out and passed the room next to Daniel’s. The younger felt his heart sink for a moment, then start hammering irregularly against his ribs.

“I miss him, too,” Daniel paused as Jinwoo put his trembling hand on the doorknob but did not turn it clockwise, “You can come inside, hyung.”

“It’s okay, Niel. See you around.”

Jinwoo didn’t stay in the town for long. In the afternoon one day after Jinwoo came back when they sat down in the backyard at Jinwoo’s house, drinking cold beer and talking, or to be exact, reminiscing the good old times, Daniel opened his backpack and handed Jinwoo a metal box.

“I think it’s better if you keep these.”

Daniel spent the whole night before in Jisung’s room, finding the film camera his brother used to bring with him everywhere. It was covered in dust and Daniel also found a box of pictures that were printed out and placed in no order. Pictures of their family, pictures of their friends, pictures of the kids in the neighbourhood and pictures of the little things: the vintage teacup set their mother bought at a flea market long time ago, the yellow corydalis growing on the walls of the small bakery near the elementary school they both went to, the alley between their house and the one next to theirs after a heavy rain and more. Jisung used to joke that taking photos is his way of going against the flow of time. Once you click the shutter and feel the flash go off, time stops and what you capture is an authentic proof of the moment you will never be able to come back. You were there. You were young. Your friend was doing silly tricks. The granny next door was feeding the stray cats. Those instants might happen again and again but they will never be exactly the same, yet you can always look back at the photos to experience the same feelings one more time. The words his brother said to him ran through his mind like an intrinsic bittersweet-sounding melody, Daniel only wanted to turn it off but he couldn’t. He wanted to tell his brother he was wrong, time doesn’t stop for anyone. He learned it the hardest way; he spent many nights not sleeping, only crying and asking himself only one question over and over: “How did I not see it coming?” but the morning after, he woke up to the sound of his alarm, dragged his feet to the world outside and saw everyone running, wearing full ignorance on their faces. Time did not stop when Daniel was left alone, unable to follow his brother. He’s gone, his life extinguished like a quietly burning candle that was thrown out into the wind and as much as Daniel tried to grab its withering smoke, it was impossible.

Time is unstoppable and living a life through a hundred pictures of memories only brings agony and frustration.

“Do you remember the time we went hiking and I almost broke this camera?” Jinwoo held the camera carefully in his hands, his voice lowered to a whisper, “Jisung was mad, really mad at me. That was the only time he ever got mad at me.”

Daniel smiled bitterly and watched a single tear slide down from Jinwoo’s eyes, followed by another one, then another one, until it became an uncontrollable stream of little water droplets falling down his pale cheeks, letting out the sadness and torment he had been carrying inside the moment he set a foot back into the neighbourhood. Daniel reached Jinwoo’s hands that kept closed one second then opened like he wasn’t sure if he should release his hold of the pain, and held them tightly in silence until the elder regained his composure.

“I should have told him I love him when I still had time,” Jinwoo lit a cigarette, “When we still had time, even if he never loved me back.”

“You will meet someone someday, hyung,” Daniel lowered his head, “He always wanted you to be happy.”

“Call me a loser but I do think there are people who you will love forever, whether or not they remain in your life for long," Jinwoo took another long drag from his cigarette and then flicked it away, “People in the village I stayed, they believe in the afterlife. If it is where I can meet him one more time, I would not let it be too late to say I love him again.”

Daniel walked back home with a heavy mind, only turned his head around after Jihoon called his name three times. The younger was standing behind the fence, his shirt was sopping wet and so was his hair. He and Yoojung were trying to give Nami the chocolate poodle puppy a bath when Daniel walked by.

“Hyung, are you okay? I called you three times.”

“I’m okay.” The words slipped out before Daniel was aware he said it. What a lie.

Jihoon wasn’t convinced by his reply, his lips turned down and he dropped his eyes from the Daniel. That made the latter quickly regretted his blatant lie.

“Just a bit tired. I drank with Jinwoo hyung.” That’s a truth, half-truth but it still counts, Daniel thought.

“I'm thinking we should go to the movies tonight. “My tomorrow, your yesterday” is out but hyung, you should take a rest.”

“Is tomorrow okay?”

Daniel looked at Jihoon, waiting for an answer. Like a budding flower, it started slowly and gently then it rose and gathered a thousand of butterflies dancing in his stomach as he watched the younger’s face brighten up, his eyes were full of pleasure and relief. Lately, Daniel had been growing a bad habit of staring at Jihoon, the boy must have realized his gaze upon himself but somehow he never made any comment about that. He just chose another direction to look away and kept talking to Daniel like nothing was unusual. Daniel thought he had been studying Jihoon’s face for too long and too much. If he closes his eyes, he would still be able to picture and retrace every feature on Jihoon’s childlike face: his doe eyes shining with clarity, intensity, and yearning for something Daniel hadn’t figured out yet, his elegant nose, his beautiful strawberry plump lips and his smile that is always genuine and mixed with just a right touch of shyness and enough to put Daniel’s weary mind and body at ease. Jihoon’s smile is like a ray of sunshine and Daniel thought to himself that he’s nothing but a sunburn.

Daniel recalled what Jinwoo said about the afterlife, it sounded incredibly sad and pitiful. He doesn’t want to be late, he still had time and maybe, he could work out how to use his time the right way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could have updated this chapter much sooner if life didn't treat me like shit and my health didn't go down for no reason lol Okay bad excuse, the next chapters would probably take some time but yeah, not too long like this one. 
> 
> Anyway, I want to say I'm THRILLED and truly surprised by the comments you guys left in the previous chapter. I love all of them and I can't tell how much I treasure your thoughts and support for this fic. I am really grateful. 
> 
> Side Note: I am a Jihoon stan, since the start of Broduce and that never changes. Also believe it or not, my very first W1 ship is actually Winkcham lmao ((never write anything winkcham related tho)). And... this story is Daniel-centric weehee :D


	5. Explosions in the sky and your hand in mine

There was a time when they were just boys. The elder was a good and happy child with a lovely heart and a smile as bright as a sunflower. The younger was the clingy puppy in little human form with a cheeky grin always dancing across his mouth every time he asked for a toy. Their parents loved them with the power of a thousand suns and proudly watched their sons naturally grow up in intelligence and kindness. The father spent hours building Lego fire trucks and helicopters with them, he also danced with the boys to the sound of music from the 80s in the dining room, making their mother laugh because of their silly faces and uncoordinated dance moves. The mother loved them to the moon and back. She raised them to be bold and to stick together, always. Her words were engraved on their minds and the boys had grown up learning how to protect each other all the time. Except for years later, the older one started keeping away all of his misery and when he saw a way out, he left on his own.

Adolescence is the period of transition from childhood to adulthood with a handful of changes, each one is fast and hard to keep up with. It was when Daniel was apathetically eating his bread for breakfast before going to school, the teenager realized he did not want to follow the same path as their parents did. His mother was still generous and loving but a question has risen in his mind if she’s ever had any time for herself. His father did nothing but work, he became the Chief Archaeologist and Daniel knew for a long time his work is nothing like in those Indiana Jones movies both he and his brother loved to watch when they were kids and their father was at an archeological site hundreds of meters away from home. His father was a master storyteller who always made Daniel excited about the idea of the unknown and the secrets behind the footnotes of history. He was indeed a charming family man, but at some point, he changed into the man who came back home and spent time with his wife and children less than he used to. One day, his affair with a young woman from his crew was discovered, and then everything went downhill.

Daniel never saw his mom cry about his dad or her unhappy marriage. She must have been so good at keeping the façade through bitter days, keeping her beloved sons away from the stigma associated with children of divorce in the small community by staying quiet and not divorcing. He also saw that in his elder brother. Jisung maintained his image of the model child that every mother in their town wanted their sons to be: brilliant and caring, but Daniel noticed the resentment in the way he looked and greeted their dad in one of those rare days he came home. And Daniel did the same like he had always followed every step of his brother, he went through his teenage years with a reminder that was craved deeply in the back of his mind: what hides under the lies are truths that failed to get to the light.

One late night in October, Daniel told Jisung he fell in love with the boy sitting next to him in class when they were chilling to The Cranberries and eating ramen. Jisung said it was okay and he was ready to fight anyone who chooses not be comfortable with his dear brother. They had a good laugh; Daniel remembered the sight of his brother sitting on the balcony, his eyes glistened in the moonlight when he said there had not been a day where he hadn’t been proud of Daniel and his loving smile gave the younger an impression. Someday they won’t be staying under the same roof but his brother will somewhat always there for him. Someday their roles might reverse, Daniel will become the safe person his brother could rely on and he will be strong enough to shelter him when his storm breaks. And that’s why his heart shattered into pieces when he knew it was too late to help his elder brother.

*

Daniel wasn’t surprised when his mom said his dad will not be at home on Chuseok, it’s not like he is always coming back home on the days that means the most to every Korean family. Daniel helped his mom with preparing the altar for Charye ceremony then stood aside and watched her arrange the traditional food on the ceremonial table to the right positions. If Jisung was here, he and his brother would sneak into the kitchen and grab as many homemade fruit jelly and rice cakes their mom prepared days in advance then go to Jisung’s room, eating them all and playing games till either mom or dad called them downstairs to attend the ceremony. But Jisung wasn’t so Daniel simply went back to sleep after the ceremony was performed.

It was around 7 o’clock when Daniel woke up and heard indistinct sounds of women talking then a child laughing and singing. His mom must have invited the neighbour family over for dinner, it wasn’t out of ordinary as Mrs. Park and the children didn’t visit her ex-husband’s extended family. Jihoon laughed at Daniel when the elder entered the kitchen, hair sticking up and hitting his toe against the kitchen door and later Daniel got even with taking away the cookies basket right when Jihoon stretched his arm from the other side of the table to grab one. “Oppa! You big meanie!” said Yoojung, as the little girl hit Daniel’s hand in an attempt to defend Jihoon but soon afterwards, she ungracefully rolled a huge wrap of bulgogi in lettuce and even caught on what Jihoon was doing, adding kimchi on top to spice up the flavor then feeding Daniel that one of a kind bulgogi, making everyone burst out laughing.

The two families enjoyed the dinner with pleasure and laughter. Jihoon took a deep breath then puffed his cheeks out when Daniel poured himself a beer and playfully winked at Jihoon, mouthing _“You can’t”_ when their mothers were busy exchanging some cooking recipes and Yoojung was poking at the pickled cucumber dish. The younger kicked Daniel under the table then quickly changed the smug, triumphant look on his face into an innocent smile when his mother turned to check on his niece. Daniel kicked back, the two continued their childish fight until Jihoon accidentally hit the table leg instead of the elder’s shin. His face turned red in pain and Daniel stopped grinning. Their feet slightly touched again but this time they kept it unmoving until they both stood up to clean the table.

Jihoon got a cut on his pinky finger when putting the utensils back to where they belong in the kitchen. Daniel whirled around after hearing an abrupt clacking sound of something hit the floor, seeing the younger biting his lower lip and his face was all scrunched up.

“There, there, let me see your hand.” Daniel immediately took his gloves off to grab Jihoon’s hand to examine the wound.

“I’m okay, hyung,” Jihoon stuttered, “Just, just a cut. I can clean it myself.”

“No, you’re bleeding,” Daniel’s eyes widened looking at the skin around the tip of Jihoon’s finger got peeled off by the slicer, “Come with me.”

Daniel dragged Jihoon to the sink and turned the faucet on at the medium level, and then he turned to Jihoon and talked in the softest voice he could manage.

“It might hurt a bit more but you have to clean the wound thoroughly, okay?”

“I know, hyung, just get it over with!” The younger uttered a grunt and wiggled his fingers, trying to show the stubborn hyung he was totally fine but the latter ignored him and slightly tighten his grip on his wrist.

Daniel did not notice Jihoon’s cheeks that flushed pink as he was too focused on picking the skin off with a cleaned tweezers then carefully put a bandage on the wounded pinky finger. Only when he was finally satisfied with his work and looked up to meet the younger’s eyes momentarily, he looked away. He had never seen Jihoon actually blush, the boy next door always appeared stoic and got frustrated sometimes when he couldn’t throw a comeback at Daniel but he never attempted to hide his face behind his short, chalky white fingers, acting like he was fixing his bangs and looking for something interesting at the sink.

“It’s okay now,” Daniel cleared his throat, a part of him screamed regrets internally when he let go of the younger’s hand, “Remember to change your bandage at home.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

They finished cleaning the kitchen before joining with their mothers and Yoojung watching special Chuseok episode of a comedy show in the living room. No one knew when Daniel and Jihoon were sitting really close, their pinky fingers linked together and neither of the two looked down to see the contact. Just their pinky fingers. That's it.

*

As October rolled around, the temperature finally dropped to its mild, pleasant autumn weather with gentle breezes blowing in from the beautiful sea. Autumn also brings in the annual Fireworks Festival, one of the unique things about Busan. As extraordinary as it is, it has become an event no one wants to miss. The beach turns into a place of overflowing joy, even the adults would enjoy this time of the season to let their hair down and be silly. On the streets were performers of every type: there are magicians and mime artists making large groups of children and youngsters clap and whistle in awe, there are dancers hyping everyone with catchy songs and smooth urban moves under illuminating lights hanging on every street. All lead up to the high-tech laser light show at the center of the place where the final show of colourful fireworks bursting in the night sky.

Daniel has always loved the Fireworks Festival even more than his own birthday. By the time he was allowed to go to the festival with Jisung and his friends till midnight, it was the first time he got to the front row through the massive crowd at the main stage, feeling the music blasting as loud as thunder that made his skin tingle and created a strange burst of adrenaline in his stomach, running up to his chest and spreading in his veins with euphoria and excitement. The bass thrashed along with his rapid heartbeat as though they met in time and became one, showering him from head to one with great dazzling sensation. He couldn’t make out any words Jaehwan was shouting next to him, all he heard was hazy, chaotic noises but then Seongwoo’s joyful laughter rang in his ears was so clear and boisterous that he could feel in his lungs, and so hard that it took his breath away. The lack of oxygen didn’t matter. Daniel took Seongwoo’s hand in his and the latter flashed a wide, captivating grin in response. That was the night before Daniel told his brother he loved him.

This year, Firework Festival kicked off with the all same tradition. On the streets and inside many stores, music filled the air around the neighbourhood, festive beats lifted the festive spirits. People greet each other with much more warming smiles than the usual days and all look forward to the weekend. Daniel and Jihoon were waiting for the bus when a group of volunteers came to the bus stop and started putting flyers of the festival up the panels. Daniel noticed the younger read one flyer, not skipping a word.

“Hyung, are we going?” Jihoon slightly nudged Daniel with his elbow, eyes were still fixing on the flyer, “Look, your university’s name is in there. Is this Jaehwan hyung's band name? Did he tell you he’s going to sing?”

It took Daniel a full minute to process Jihoon’s question, or invitation, or maybe both. Jihoon seemed to use the word “we” pretty frequently these days and Daniel doubted the younger realized what he’s doing caught him off guard every single time.

“Sure, I know a place we can watch the fireworks easier than at the beach.” Daniel remembered Hyunbin suggested their group should meet up then go together before the fireworks go off. Bringing Jihoon with him wouldn’t be a problem, some of them had already known the boy when they gathered for Jaehwan and Sewoon’s performance but Daniel can’t deny he actually just wanted to spend the day with the younger. His friends will probably split during the parade anyway, Daniel thought, making a mental note to tell Hyunbin later.

Still, the unexpected always happens. Daniel had a mini heart attack when Woojin caught him by his shoulder after he stepped out of his family store. The potential young dancer pulled him into an alley to avoid his mother who was inside the store calling his name.

“Hyung, I’m looking for you. You need to help me.”

“What do you need?”

“Daehwi wants to go to a talent show. Okay, hyung, I know it sounds crazy and my mom is going to ground both of us if she knows about this but,” The younger scratched his hair in frustration, Daniel noticed his legs were getting shaky, “I, no I mean Daehwi, he needs some money for props and such. I’m setting up a stall at the festival. I need you and Jihoon to be there.”

“What exactly do you need me to do? Does Jihoon know about your plan?”

Daniel was beyond confused. A few years back, he and Jisung, with some others helped Woojin with his business at the festival once but they didn’t make much profit considering there were hundreds of food stalls around their own, not to mention Woojin’s fish-shaped sweet red bean cakes recipe wasn’t anything spectacular. How is he going to make money with the same thing this year?

“I told him. He agreed to help me prepare the stall but,” Woojin was getting close to pulling his hair out at this point, “Hyung, you need to persuade him. I need both of you to stay at the front, I’m begging you. If you don’t want to sell, it’s okay. You two can stand, fine, just sit in front of the booth. It’s really easy.”

“Alright, slow down,” Daniel was calculating in his head, he doesn’t want to throw his date with Jihoon away, “Why do you need Jihoon to be at the front?”

“Hyung, don’t you know he’s popular? I swear he’s a freaking magnet. Girls in our school have several nicknames for him and try to buy pens, notebooks, key chains, literally everything similar to what he uses,” Woojin paused to take a breath before dropping a bomb, “Even boys, hyung, the captain of the football team cornered me once, asking if I was his boyfriend.”

That was definitely a shocking information that made Daniel’s bottom jaw go slack and descend to the ground. He should have known better Jihoon was born to be adored the moment he saw Jihoon blinked, the pair of eyes that could make the summer night sky blush with envy was covered by the shield of his eyelashes, naturally long and soft-looking compared to the rest of his delicate well-structured facial features. And then the boy opened his eyes again, it was the radiance in his eyes that made Daniel feel it irresistible to smile, too. He shouldn’t be surprised by what Woojin said, but he only knew how Jihoon’s doing at school through his funny stories about teachers who want nothing but some peace of mind in between eight hours trying to feed some knowledge into the brains of students whose minds always wander somewhere else, about steamed buns at the cafeteria and anecdotes featuring his silly friends.

Daniel promised to talk to Jihoon after Woojin said they would wrap up everything at least half an hour before the fireworks start. Daniel contemplated the idea of selling fish cakes with Jihoon, it would not as romantic as he originally wanted their date to be but still, he would still have time alone with the younger later.

*

It turned out half of the Saturday night, Daniel and the “Park clan” (Daniel spat out the energy drink he had just sipped when Woojin loudly announced the name, causing both Jihoon and Daehwi facepalmed in utter secondhand embarrassment) busted their butt around the tiny square stall with flour, red bean paste, and iron molds. They tried their best to make the perfect cake with crispy dough on the outside, chewy and spongy bread on the inside with the red bean filling giving everyone a burst of sweetness. Pretty faces do sell, Daniel discovered when a group then another group of girls, followed by more groups coming to their stall, ordering cakes and giggling with each other while their gazes were all set on the boy who paid them no mind. All eyes were on Jihoon, Daniel felt his stomach turn weirdly. The customers who linger around just to catch some moments the said boy look up and greet them with his sweet smile, Woojin looked at his friend like a gambling player who keeps winning at the slot machine, even Daniel himself stared at the younger for a bit too long which resulted in two over-fried sweet cakes.

Daniel’s friends came after he told them why he couldn’t join with them at the parade. The college group practically camped at the stall and bought more than they could eat. Woojin couldn’t help but grin like an idiot when Sungwoon told him to keep the change, suggesting the younger open a stall near their campus so they could be his regular customers.

“Three, please.”

Standing in front of the stall was a group of three boys. Daniel answered them politely and prepared their orders and then he noticed one of them walked towards where Jihoon was standing.

“Hey, Jihoon.”

The boy was pretty tall. He’s got a handsome face and trendy hairstyle. Daniel couldn’t help but stole a glance at Jihoon; the younger didn’t seem to be happy about the presence of the customer.

“Oh, Donghan. You can pay at the counter.” Jihoon pointed to the corner but the boy named Donghan didn’t flinch.

“When are you finished? Let’s go to the beach together.”

“Sorry. I can’t. I have other plans.”

“You’re avoiding me,” Donghan raised his voice, “Who are you going with?”

Daniel already felt his patience was reaching close to the breaking point.

“Me. He’s going with me.”

Daniel wanted to throw this annoying kid into the sea. He had an idea about who he is and did not want to make things difficult for Jihoon and Woojin at school, he kept his voice as neutral as possible in an attempt to push these boys away.

“You order is ready. Please pay over there.”

“Who are you? His boyfriend?” Donghan stared at Daniel, his eyes flashed with indignance and anger.

“That’s none of your concern, brat,” Sungwoon suddenly stepped in, “Jihoon is going with us too. What are you going to do about that?”

Donghan’s friends seemed to more aware of the situation than the boy himself. They said sorry to Sungwoon and the others then pulled their troubled friend to the side.

“I will talk to you later at school, Donghan. Now please, other customers are waiting behind you.” Jihoon said in a stern voice, his face remained blank, showing neither interest in nor concern for Donghan’s attitude.

Three boys walked away and a middle-aged woman with a hyper kid took their spot to make an order. Daniel heard Woojin sigh in relief next to him, then went back to take care of the pan. They closed the stall as they already ran out of ingredients and Woojin decided that was far better than how he expected they would sell during the festival. He shooed Daniel and Jihoon out of the stall when they insisted on cleaning up with him and Daehwi, saying they have helped a lot and Jihoon shouldn’t miss out the first time he watches fireworks here in Busan.

The night was still young. The sun had gone to rest long ago and the moon took his place as the purple sky transformed into a vast black canvas dotted with a few candy floss clouds. The street was filled with people becoming increasingly excited and impatient as they took steps forward to the beach. Faint music could be heard from the stage at the center of the town with an occasional ecstatic scream, piercing the atmosphere. Many stalls and booths were still open, adults and teenagers wander from one to another one, tasting delicious food and snacks while children were happily taking big bites of their brightly coloured soft ice creams over the cone and struggling as melted cream dropped all over their small hands. Daniel watched Jihoon’s eyes follow a kid walking in front of him munching on his gigantic sugary cotton candy, he jokingly asked if Jihoon wanted one and the younger replied with a punch on his shoulder.

“There’s a Fireworks Festival in Seoul, it’s like a big competition, hyung. They have teams from foreign countries and all, we went a few times. I had sour cotton candy once, it tasted really funny.”

Daniel paid attention to Jihoon’s story. He guessed when Jihoon said “we” and “cotton candy”, the younger must have meant to say about his family when before the unexpected happened. He remembered how his own family was back then, too, before his dad changed his heart and Jisung left this world. They used to go Fireworks Festival every year when Daniel was at the age that he would insist on having a cotton candy the festival, just because every kid in town wanted to eat cotton candy that day. It’s kind of a dilemma, Daniel thought, there are memories that he wished he could go back in time and take the sadness away but even when he was suffering, alone and worn out, he never wanted to let go of those as he thinks if he did, the joy would be just gone as well and he could never trace it back.

He wants to create happy memories with Jihoon, and then store them in the box of his beating heart. He wants happiness like everyone else does. It appears on the faces around him. People smiled and laughed with ease, they talk excitedly about road trips and new lovers, they drink and get to the seventh heaven. So why not him? He just wants to hold Jihoon’s hand, intertwine their fingers and walk away from the high-strung crowd to where they could sit side by side, waiting for a booming sound then petals of sparks would radially spread around upon the beautiful night sky.

“Are you okay?” Daniel asked, worries filling his voice as Jihoon slowed down his pace and grabbed the elder for support.

“My feet…”

Daniel didn’t let the younger finish his sentence. He pulled Jihoon to the sidewalk and they sat down on the steps of a closed clothing store. Earlier Daehwi accidentally dropped a mold on Jihoon’s feet when the latter was swaying left and right to find the cooking oil, Jihoon claimed it wasn’t hurt and customers were coming in so all four of them had to continue working. Now seeing the younger’s toe is swelling and bruised, Daniel regretted not forcing him to take a rest.

“Okay, I want you to climb on my back. You’re about to get a piggyback ride, kiddo.” Daniel ruffled Jihoon’s hair, trying to lighten the mood.

“Hyung, it’s silly,” Jihoon shook his head repeatedly, a small gesture filled with uneasiness, “Give me five minutes, I will be fine.”

The elder didn’t reply; he knelt down in front of the younger, titling his body forward and thinking there’s no way the younger could make any more excuses. A smile of satisfaction formed on Daniel’s face when Jihoon finally gave in and climbed on his back, wrapping his arms around him.

“Hold on tight.”

Daniel’s heart did a flip-flop and he tried not to bounce around when standing up. He could feel Jihoon’s shaky breath and the warmth of his arms staying put around his neck.

“I’m sorry, hyung.” Jihoon talked in a murmur. Daniel couldn’t see his face but he could imagine how the younger was looking at the moment, half-closed eyes and lips pressed tightly together into a thin line, probably thinking he bothered him too much. Sometimes the younger gets too self-conscious, Daniel doesn’t like it.

“What are you saying sorry for?”

“I’m heavy,” Jihoon paused for a moment, “And earlier, I’m sorry you and Sungwoon hyung had to get involved.”

“I’m going to put you down now if you keep thinking that way, Park Jihoon.”

“That kid was wrong, not you. And don’t worry about Sungwoon he loves to embarrass rude people in public.”

Daniel felt relieved when Jihoon laughed at his comment about Sungwoon’s terrible habit. One of Jihoon’s shoes was hanging halfway off his feet, and for some reason, he thought it was funny and started laughing too. Daniel carried Jihoon towards the park on the hill. It’s not too far from where the fireworks go off and barely anyone goes up there as most of the local and visitors want to stay at the beach. After coming to the stop, Daniel stood there for a moment, holding Jihoon’s legs and enjoying having the younger clinging to him before loosening his grip. They chose the highest spot to sit down together, from there they could have a clear view of the beach and everything down there. Jihoon was mumbling lyrics of a happy song and Daniel nodded along.

Time was ticking away, there were less than two minutes till the fireworks show. The crowd from afar started counting down loudly. Jihoon could hardly sit still, the younger took out his phone and started doing the same.

Three.

Two.

One.

Fireworks burst through the dark night, exploding with vivacious colours to enlighten the infinite sky. No matter how many times Daniel has been to the festival, the moment fireworks go off and fiery blooms amongst the stars turn into a pattern crossing the sky, he can’t help but get overwhelmed by the breathtaking beauty of the luminescent shards slicing through the black veil. Next to him, Jihoon was struck by the sound of the fireworks at the sea greatly echoed and the multi-coloured flames across the stars, his face was bright and beautiful like a perfect real-life photograph. By a great mysterious force, Daniel grasped Jihoon’s hand, his fingers were fragile and cautious, shaking lightly as he reached out. Daniel could feel his heartbeat. Each one is a turbulent push from within, so loud and so strong as if they were bursting inside his chest like fireworks, heating up his body all over.

They both stopped breathing in a second as Jihoon naturally switched and laced their fingers together and gave Daniel a comforting squeeze. This is what Daniel had dreamed about, Jihoon’s hand is in his and the elder let the happiness soak right into his bones. For the first time in what seemingly to be forever, his mind feels relaxed and yet agitated with a sense of joy. He closed his eyes and savoured the moment, but never released his grip on the younger’s soft hand. When he opened his eyes again, Jihoon was looking at him. His lower lip trembled as Daniel bent down slowly and if he was breathing, he wasn't breathing very deeply. A scent of toffee apples Jihoon ate earlier was lingering around, making Daniel desperately hungry for a taste of his lips.

“Yo Daniel! Is that you, Daniel? Jihoonie? Guys, they are here!”

Daniel heard his name then a hysterical fit of laughter that belongs to no other than one of his best friends, Jaehwan. Jihoon dropped his hand out of their touch and turned away before they were approached by Daniel’s friends.

“You guys walked like my grandma, we missed the first round of fireworks,” Sungwoon loudly complained, “Oh, Daniel, Jihoon, you two are lucky. I told them this is the best place to watch fireworks but they were so damn slow.”

 _Right, this could be the best place to bury all of you in the ground._ Daniel bitterly thought. His friends had no clue what they just did to him.

“Hyunbin wanted food, and you,” Jaehwan pointed a finger at Sungwoon, “If you hadn’t drunk that much then we didn’t have to stop and wait while you were enjoying yourself in the toilet.”

“Kim! Jae! Hwan!” Sungwoon literally screeched in a high-pitched voice, making everyone cover their ears.

Daniel and Jihoon exchanged a look, both laughed shyly before Jihoon gave a gentle pat on Daniel’s shoulder and joined with Minhyun and Hyunbin to put out food and drinks. The fireworks show continued with more stunning circular shapes and starbursts of light brightening both the sky and the sea, the group enjoyed the night till Jaehwan started singing a trot song while trying to take off his top and Sungwoon decided it’s over.

Daniel pulled Jihoon into his arms when they were near their houses. He buried his face in the hollow between Jihoon’s neck and shoulder, happily enjoyed the fact the younger fits perfectly in his embrace.

“Thank you, kiddo.”

“For what?” Jihoon muttered. The boy rose tip-toe and Daniel felt his arms clutching his back firmly.

For being here, Daniel wanted to tell him that. For making breakfast and seaweed soup for me. For never asking why I look at you more than I should. For giving me pieces of music that help me sleep better at lonely nights. For your eyes and smile. For staying when I had no courage to ask you to stay. For being yourself, Park Jihoon, understanding and gentle, loving yet insecure about things that don’t matter.

Daniel tightened his hug in a silent response. He heard the younger mumbled “dumb Niel” while hiding his face against his shoulder. He let out a small laugh; the most amazing thing about the night wasn’t the fireworks but he was there, Jihoon was there, too. They were together in the same place and same time, looking up at the night sky and reveling in each other’s warmth.

Daniel slept soundly later that night. His heart drew a dream in which he was surrounded by persons he loves dearly and enjoying simplest kind of peace.

 


	6. The sails of memory rip open in silence (*)

Under the wintry air and the sky that had quickly drawn a large blanket to hide the last rays of the westering sun, flaming in smoky crimson behind the hills after five-thirty in the afternoon since November came, the neighbourhood was painted in grey like a picture on the daily newspaper. Daniel woke up in the morning and looked out of the window, the trees he could see on the opposite of the street were standing all sticks and bones. Without their leaves, they were just thin figures spreading their arms like modern contemporary dancers shivering in every sting of the winter breezes.

Dull and dark are the November days. Daniel and Jihoon still kept their morning routine but some days, it would take a longer time for the younger to leave his warm, comfy bed and get ready for school. Daniel had to be the one going over his house, coming up to his room and trying to wake the boy up without splashing cold water on his face as a last resort while Mrs. Park was busy preparing for little Yoojung. The two skipped breakfast and fastened their pace once they were out of the house, greeted by the morning silver sun rising behind the tall buildings on the way to the bus stop. Daniel noticed dark circles had started forming under Jihoon’s eyes, obviously screaming to the world the boy did not get enough shut-eye the night before. Lately, by the time Daniel went to close the windows before going to bed, he could see the lights still on in Jihoon’s room and the younger was studying with books and notes scattering all over his desk. Daniel had heard Jihoon whine about the amount of homework and upcoming exams at school yet he never missed their usual battle on Saturday nights. Jihoon is stubborn and Daniel did have any chance say no when the younger shoved the controller into his hands and started the game before Daniel could think of a way to persuade him to sleep early.

They took the last bus in the morning, crowded and unmistakably full of students and even adults who failed to get out of bed five or ten minutes earlier no matter how hard they tried. No seats were available, almost everyone was standing and holding onto the grab handles with one hand while looking down at their phones, angling their bodies to avoid undue physical contact with other passengers. Jihoon struggled to get through the pack of bodies and grabbed the pole near the exit door, Daniel stayed behind, shielding him from bumping into other people. The bus pulled away, there must be a few bumps on the road and each one brought Jihoon closer to Daniel till the elder finally lost his patience and wrapped an arm around him, settling his hand across the younger’s tummy.

“Stay still or I’m not going to take responsibility when you crash into this door.” Daniel said with a mock concern in his voice as soon as he felt Jihoon tried to move away from his hold. The younger stopped but immediately went back to leaning on the pole as there were more space on the bus, making Daniel wonder if he had gone a bit too far and made him uncomfortable. His worry was soon washed away as Jihoon casually talked to him about the new updated version of their favourite game and replied “You too, hyung.” with a bright smile when Daniel suggested he eat something for breakfast at school before going off at his usual stop.

*

College was all the same. Daniel was trying to taking some notes as the professor was giving a lecture about Import Tariffs and Quotas while Hyunbin on his left was burying his face into the course book and Jaehwan on his right was doodling some weird aliens and unnamed creatures.

“Do you think I can write a song about Movement of Labor? Professor Kim would give me an A for finals. You can write some lyrics with me, I’ll give you credits for that. Hyunbin sucks so he’s on his own.” Jaehwan poked Daniel’s arm with his pencil, sounding as serious as the time he demanded Daniel paid for his lunch the whole week because he copied the latter’s answer sheet but still failed the last term.

“I’m not deaf,” Hyunbin peaked his head up and yawned out, drawing attention from other classmates sitting near them, “If Mr. Kim was generous, which is not how he gets known for, he would probably give you a D, aka Damn-how-can-a-human-be-this-dumb.”

“Shut up, Professor Kim is looking this way.”

Daniel gritted his teeth while squinting at the projector screen, pretending like the two throwing insults back and forth with him sitting right between them are not his friends. Finally, they closed their mouths when a girl in the row in front of them turned around and gave Hyunbin a death glare. Daniel was about to hit Jaehwan when he heard a loud gasp escaped his friend’s mouth and felt a tug on his arm.

“I swear, Jaehwan, you’d better stop or I,”

Daniel dropped his threat when he realized what caused Jaehwan freeze in his seat. Running on the screen of his phone was an advertisement from a popular fast fashion brand, starring three male models and a well-known female singer. A sensation went straight through Daniel like a bolt of lightning, and it ran like fire in his veins when Seongwoo appeared in the middle of the scene. He looked like somebody else, Daniel first thought, he was wearing a pair of trendy round glasses and his hair is blond now. Never in even his wildest dream at the age of seventeen, would Daniel picture a stunningly beautiful Seongwoo smiling at him like he is now in a commercial. Seongwoo, the name of the heartbreak Daniel endured was no less than a storm at the sea: black clouds thickened and the sky was stricken in total darkness, sweeping out the stars and moonlight. The devastation was absolute, Daniel went through days and nights where his mind was filled with nothing but pain, his heart grew cold and numb with pent-up feelings. But he could never hate Seongwoo for leaving. He had witnessed enough to understand knowing someone doesn’t mean keeping them. People change. (**) Or at least that’s what he learned about the nature of human relationships within a continuum of time in one of Wong Kar-wai movies. He stared at the screen, the image of Seongwoo with a half-turned smile and blank gaze from their last encounter entered his mind and he shook it away. It does not matter now if Seongwoo has become somebody else, somebody with a life Daniel does not know about.

“You can change, or stay the same, hyung. There are no rules to this thing.” Daniel recalled what Jihoon said earlier on the bus. Evidently, they were discussing new updates in the game they play but to give it a second thought, it is just how reality goes for everyone. Daniel thought he had been changing, too, into someone who finds excitement in having dinner with the family next door and playing along with any scenario a four-year-old girl wants him and everyone to follow, who feels his heart leap at the sight of a certain boy standing on the doorstep waiting for him. His lips quirked upward, just faintly, at his own thought before it was interrupted by Jaehwan’s laugh.

“Seongwoo is famous now. Good, I can tell everyone I’m friends with a celebrity.”

“Sorry but even that won’t help you pick up girls, idiot.” Hyunbin tossed a remark and Jaehwan tried to stab him with his pencil but Daniel stopped him. He offered to buy bread and coffee at the cafeteria to calm his friends and the rest of their day at college went in peace.

*

Yoojung asked for a chocolate cake when Daniel and Jihoon picked the little girl up from the kindergarten, despite the fact that it was three more days before her actual birthday. Jihoon gave in when the smart kid said pulled out her spelling worksheet with three stamps of sunflower on the corner, which means she did really good and deserved a sweet treat. Three of them walked in a small bakery huddled between the furniture outlet and the bookstore, both of them towering over the one-storey sweets shop. It looked simple with a hand-painted sign above the window, golden coloured letters were craved on a tainted mild green background. The floor inside was a black and white checkerboard of titles that showed the age of the place quite clearly. Everything looked quite antiquated, from the decoration to the server uniforms and the 60s smash hit playlist playing at the moderate volume, filled with most of Elvis Presley songs but not the cakes and pastries, which were presented in the most tempting way, creating an amazing feast for the eyes as well as sweet appetite of anyone going in. Daniel breathed in a rich scent of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies that the owner just put on the counter-tops display. The warmth and heaven-like aroma in the bakery capture everything good in there: various types of mousses, sugared puff pastry with different flavor packed inside, and of course, chocolate Swiss roll cake Yoojung wanted.

Daniel liked the bakery. It’s the kind of place he would not mind to stay in for hours with the boy sitting next to him, slowly and merrily savouring each bite of his creamy and dreamy passion fruit mousse. He watched little Yoojung being adorable and insisted on feeding Jihoon a spoon of her chocolate cake then happily took a bite of mousse from the younger, a brilliant idea popped into his head.

“Yoojung-ah,” Daniel called out and the little girl abandoned Jihoon immediately, “Can I have a bite of your cake too?”

“Seriously, hyung, don’t encourage her.” Jihoon groaned as Yoojung giggled and carefully drew the spoon closer to the elder’s mouth. Both of them ignored his complaint.

“Thank you, Yoojung-ah,” Daniel did a high-five with the little girl then turned to Jihoon, showing a big sheepish grin, “What’s the problem? I want to taste your mousse, too, you can try my blueberry tart.”

“Okay, there.” Jihoon pushed his dish towards Daniel, a puzzled look appeared on his face when the elder shook his head.

“Feed me.”

Jihoon blinked at Daniel so rapidly that he feared his eyeballs would fall out.

“Hyung, w-what do you say?”

“Your mousse,” Daniel pointed at the dish then his open mouth, “I want to try.”

“Hyung,” Jihoon stressed on the honorific, “Your hand doesn’t seem to be broken.”

The younger rolled his eyes but can’t hide the slight pink tint blooming across his cheeks. Here he is blushing again, Daniel could feel a victory dance going off inside his head but he kept a straight face on the outside and continued to bargain.

“You fed Yoojung, you can feed me as well, Jigoonie.”

“Last time I checked, Yoojung is my niece, not you.”

Jihoon looked like a cherry bomb that could explode at any time despite his snarky replies. But luck is on Daniel’s side today as little Yoojung decided to play the judge and chirped in.

“Jigoonie is being mean. You should feel Niel-oppa!”

Jihoon was defeated. Yoojung makes the rules, everyone knows that.

“Fine.”

Daniel was over the moon as soon as he felt the spoon push against his lips. Jihoon was biting his lower lip impatiently, his embarrassment growing rapidly and Daniel knew for sure if Yoojung wasn’t here with them, he would have been hit with the spoon in the most merciless way.

“Tasty,” Daniel said between laughs, “We should eat here more often.”

That night, Daniel could not eat dinner because he was so full. He opened his laptop and continued working on the group project, sighing in frustration when he received an email from one of his group partners saying he needs two more days to send in his part which should have been submitted last week. Another email came in, surprisingly, it was from Jinwoo. Daniel read it carefully, Jinwoo was staying in a village by the sea in an area of South India, he said the beach here reminds him of Busan a lot. There are memories that time can never erase, it is okay if you do not want to let them go, Jinwoo wrote in his email. Forever does not make loss forgettable but time heals and at some point, it will be bearable and you can look back with peace in your heart.

You know, not every time you could grow seeds into a healthy plant, even with the right process and extremely caring, Jinwoo continued his letter. There will be seeds that do not germinate. There will be the ones that germinate into young seedlings but day by day, they wilt and fail to sprout regardless how hard you try to save the situation. There will be the ones that grow perfectly fine but one second you looked away, a sudden hurricane would come and take them away. Do not give up, Daniel. Surely one day you will be able to take a rest in the shade of your own tree and bask in the sunlight filtering through the leaves.

Daniel read the email the second time, then the third time. He had a feeling the next time Jinwoo returns to their town would be very far from now on and this letter is for both of them. Some of the days in November, with no doubt, carry the whole memory of summer like a fire opal holds in full spectrum of sunlight. Daniel stood by the window and looked out to the night, the light from the Jihoon’s room was still on at 2 a.m. and the boy was holding a highlighter tightly while his eyes were glued on a thick book. Daniel could not help but break into a gentle smile when the younger looked up from his notebook and saw him on the other side. Jihoon waved at him and leaned forward to press a hand on the glass window, his eyes were like the ocean in a day without wind, calm and beautiful. Daniel put his left hand on the window, too. They reached out to each other that way in a few minutes before Jihoon’s mom knocked on the door telling him to go to sleep soon.

Daniel closed the curtains and went back to his unfinished project. He did not know when exactly he planted a new seed of affection but he was taking care of it fairly good. Like Jinwoo said at the end of his letter. Be patient. Be kind. Just like love.

*

Something has changed between Daniel and Jihoon, something very ingenious and gentle, like the reflective water in the swimming pool they used to go in early summer mornings that reproduces the clouds in a sapphire sky above. It was something hidden under many layers. It was the same feeling when Daniel was standing on the crimson bridge on the river in the south side of the town, watching the water wending its way between the banks, soft and mellow like in one of Monet paintings, and flowing towards the great sea.

Daniel thought of Jihoon more often, how the younger made him feel like all the broken smithereens inside are slowly moving towards each other, crashing into each other in a desperate yet conscious to make a connection. Their ride on the bus in the morning was all the same, shuffling into the awfully cramped space and breathing in fading odour of perfume on young women in the closed thick air. But Jihoon was no longer hesitant to lean forward and fall on Daniel’s chest when a passenger with a little too many belongings accidentally pushed the younger while trying to get out of the door. And if they were lucky enough on the way back home to get two seats next to each other, Jihoon would sleep. The boy naturally laid his head on Daniel’s shoulder, reassured and warm, Daniel did the same. The other day, packed in the corner near the door, Jihoon threw his head back hard against Daniel’s chest, playfully and intentionally as if he wanted to see how the elder would react.

Winter tightened its grip as November extinguished in a rush of howling winds and occasional freezing rain. On a cold night, nothing tastes better than a hot pot brimming with meat and shrimps that makes you have to blow on it as you eat. So Daniel and Jihoon, wrapping themselves in huge coats and big scarfs, went together to the supermarket with a long list of seasonings, condiments and other stuff given by their moms. Daniel shamelessly threw in the shopping cart a pack of beer, then a few bags of fries and fruit jelly despite knowing his mother might nag him to no end. Jihoon chose a colourful box of lollipops that comes with a pink fairy headband, saying it would be for Yoojung. They walked through the aisle of body wash and hair products, Daniel made fun of those not so creative names and slogans of the shampoo on shelves and Jihoon threw his head back, laughing rakishly.

The cashier was a girl with orange hair and a blue flower tattoo on her wrist. Daniel recognized her as she used to sit in front of him the previous term and lend him her notes of the lessons he skipped because he couldn’t count on Jaehwan, who spent most of his time in class sleeping and doodling. The girl obviously has a name but Daniel couldn’t remember, it’s kind of funny how you might go through the whole semester in college without knowing the name of the person sitting near you, even participating in the same group work with you, but isn’t your friend. The girl remembered Daniel, though. She greeted him with a genuine smile; it might be a relief for her, meeting someone she knows during a tiring shift dealing with a long line of customers.

“You guys are brothers?”

“Ugh, we,” Daniel trailed off and felt Jihoon tugging on the hem of his coat, impatiently.

“Your brother is cute.”

A couple of customers lined up after Daniel and Jihoon so the cashier girl hurried up, throwing a quick smile to Daniel then turning back to checking items for the next person. Daniel offered to take the bag Jihoon was holding but the younger shook his head then buried the lower half of his face deeper under the thick woolen scarf. They walked back home in silence till they reached the abandoned playground near the bus stop. There were a rusted swing set, a mini basketball hoop, and children’s slide but the block on the left was being constructed so parents in the area did not allow their children to be in the playground.  However, every day when Daniel and Jihoon got off the bus and went home, they would see a chubby boy, probably two or three years younger than Jihoon, practicing a free throw into the hoop. Sometimes a lanky, taller boy would join and yell at the chubby one for being too slow and not knowing how to control his elbow in the right position. Jihoon told Daniel those two looked like characters from a comedy webtoon and they laughed, agreeing on counting the days till the chubby boy could manage to shoot a basketball with power and accuracy. But it was 7 p.m. in a Saturday and the temperature had dropped to the lowest it could be in November, the playground was empty.

“Hyung, I want to sit down.”

Jihoon did not wait for Daniel to reply, the younger took longer steps towards the swing set, leaving the groceries bag on the side and sitting on the swing seat, the wood complained rather noisily under a sudden weight but younger took ahold of the old, worn chains and started swinging back and forth. The lonely metal streetlamp at the corner of the playground flickered peculiarly, illuminating the fallen leaves spattering on the sticky ground in an amber yellow light and turning Jihoon’s black hair into an unnatural dark shade of auburn. Daniel let his free hand run his finger through it but the younger shunned his touch and did not meet his eyes.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

His question met Jihoon’s silence. The chains kept making a squeaking sound, Daniel stretched out his hand to grip them, a smell of corroded metal invaded his nose and imprinted onto his fingers. Jihoon glanced up immediately, his mouth pursed then slightly opened while his eyes were fixed as if he was looking at something behind the fence. Daniel called his name, the younger blinked then averted his gaze back to the one standing in front of him.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel bent down, a faint flowery fragrance of Jihoon’s shampoo lingering in air swirled in his nostrils and he unconsciously took in a whiff of the sweet scent.

“I’m sorry, Jihoon. The cashier, she doesn’t know. We only met in a class last year, I think she didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“Hyung, I know.” The younger gave a reply, followed by a heavy sigh.

“If I tell you this,” Daniel almost knelt down in front of Jihoon, he continued, “If I tell you the last four months has been the happiest days I’ve ever had in a very, very long time, would you believe me? And I will tell you why. It’s because you’ve always been on my mind.”

There were no fireworks bursting in his chest, there was nothing like the infamous grumpy poet Charles Bukowski said about going for it when you feel like the sun inside you is burning your guts. Daniel felt nothing but a sympathetic rhythm of a river flow waltzing and sparkling under the light of springtime rushing in his veins and a soothing, beautiful sound of piano tingling in his ears when their lips met in a tender kiss.

It was just a light touch of lips, slow and soft, comforting in a way Daniel had never experienced before. His hand rested below the younger’s ear, his thumb caressing his puffy cheek as their breaths mingled and billowed out then quickly dissipated in the icy atmosphere. Jihoon leaned in, his grip on Daniel’s shoulder hardened as the younger drew himself in closer until there was no space left between them and both could hear the beating of their own hearts against the other’s chest, loudly and recklessly.

They closed their eyes. “Daniel”, Jihoon called out in barely more than a whisper, prolonging each letter as if to savour them with all of his appreciation. Never before has his name ever felt so wonderful in a husky voice that way, Daniel thought. He lifted the younger into his arms and kissed him again. His lips moved over to his puffy cheeks, the bridge of his delicate nose, between his eyebrows and over his trembling fragile eyelids. And still, with sweet tenderness, his lips traced back to the blossom of Jihoon’s mouth and brought themselves into a fiery and passionate kiss. Sparks flew in every direction and Daniel could feel a smoldering heat flaring deep within him as Jihoon’s small hand clutch on the collar of his sweater, gentle yet firm. The world seemed to slowly disappear around them, along with all of their worries, their troubles, and anxious thoughts. Daniel felt like none of that mattered when Jihoon’s lips were moving perfectly in sync with his. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s just like in the romantic movies he used to sit through with Jaehwan and Hyunbin, because one, Hyunbin proudly claimed he is a man of romance and two, Jaehwan needed an inspiration for a love song. It was the warmth of Jihoon’s lips crashing on his that sent jolts of sensation throughout his body: the cracks between his toes, the crooks of his elbows, the tips of his finger. As if every inch of him is drowned in burning intimacy.

They pulled apart and opened their eyes. Daniel stared at Jihoon, the younger’s eyes were glossy, full of wonder and affection. He rested his forehead upon his as his hand slipped back on his small waist. They stood together and alone, no words were spoken yet they knew exactly what the other was thinking in each heartbeat.

“We should go, hyung.” Jihoon murmured into the elder’s chest but his legs did not move.

“Right,” Daniel took his hand, lifted it to his lips and place a quick peck on the back of his hand, “Let’s go home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*) The title belongs to ["Change of Time"](https://youtu.be/bhoME4ji6jk) by John Ritter.
> 
> (**) “Knowing someone doesn’t mean keeping them. People change.” - A part of the line said by the blonde woman to Cop 223 in "Chungking Express". Probably many of you have watched this beautiful piece of film, if you haven't then it's really worth watching.
> 
> Side Note: HooooOOOooOOoray they kissed lol Sorry I'm being lame. I truly appreciate everyone's support for this story. I started this as a small personal project, I didn't expect you guys would give it so much love. Thank you a lot. I really love reading your thoughts on each chapter. Also, shout out to all NielWink shippers and writers out there that keep NielWink tag thriving *screaming into a megaphone* You guys are incredible and awesome !!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	7. In the palm of my hand is a heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BGM to set the mood: [Starry Night - The Jazz Jousters](https://youtu.be/rir94JCNGK4)

It was embarrassing yet funny, how they left the playground. Daniel's phone suddenly rang and it was his mother on the other side, furiously asking where they were because it was freezing outside so if Jihoon caught a cold and missed his trial exam tomorrow then it would be his fault. Also, all the things on the grocery list were needed or there will be no hot pot for dinner. Jihoon raised his head right up at the possibility of not having a delicious meal for the night meanwhile Daniel swallowed hard, his mother spoke to him in a voice she only uses when he brings home a report with a bad grade. To think the last time it happened was way back during in his first year in high school yet she was using it again, Daniel knew he had gone too far.

And it was silly , how they did not even hold hands after their first kiss because they had to run back home as fast as possible while their hands were tied up with grocery bags. Jihoon was indeed an excellent runner, that’s why Daniel lagged behind. He set his eyes on the front, Jihoon was still fast on his feet and his buttercup coloured hip-length parka along with the huge scarf made the younger look like a bouncing ball rolling down the street. He’s so cute, Daniel thought, so cute that he could hear a little inner voice in his head telling him to drop the heavy bags he’s been carrying to catch the fluffy boy running ahead of him, fulfill his need to run his hands through the younger’s hair and touch those soft, black strands inflated with the smell of flowers and he would place butterfly kisses along his jaw then taste his lips once more. But the voice of reality is louder and Jihoon actually turned his head around yelling “Hyung, hurry up! I’m hungry!”, so Daniel tried to keep up while telling himself there would be some other times.

When they reached Daniel’s house, standing face to face, Daniel felt like his legs were giving out.

“Loser,” said Jihoon, breathlessly with laugh, “I see you don’t keep up with your reputation in elementary school, hyung.”

“Don’t,” Daniel inhales a breath of cold winter air, making a mental note to hide the photo of him holding the trophy in one hand for winning the first place of running race in the sport day, while his other hand was busy keeping the washcloth up his nostrils to stop the blood from landing flat on his face before. He never gets why out of all his childhood pictures, his mother has to choose that one to display on the shelf in their living room. The first time Jihoon saw it, he could barely contain himself and broke out into uncontrollable laughter, making Daniel wish he could wind back the clock and never let the younger see that cringe-worthy picture.

Jihoon stayed the night for their usual battle time. They shouted at the screen and at each other, competitive and fun as always until Jihoon let out a yawn after their third battle ended and the loading screen appeared; the younger rested his head on Daniel’ shoulder for a few minutes and then sat back up as if it was something wrong.

“Hyung,” Jihoon tapped his fingers on the handle of his controller, making an incoherent beat like a child lost his counting. And Daniel waited.

“Are we okay, hyung? Is this okay?”

“Look at me, Jihoon,”

Daniel uttered tenderly, feeling the name of the boy surged forth from inside of him and rolled off his tongue like a marble dropping then rolling down the floor, smoothly and beautifully. Just a few hours ago, when he called his name in faint whispers between the butterfly kisses he placed on his cheeks and chin and eyes, it made a sound of hot water dripping in a freshly brewed pot of coffee but only his heart was the pot and Jihoon’s name was that sweet drop increasing his temperature. And now, it sounds less than a stroke of passion but a call of from deep inside his chest, through every cell of his body along with an urge to dive into the pair of beautiful eyes looking at him, waiting for an answer.

“We are okay,” Daniel held the younger’s hands, they are fragile and cautious, slightly shaking but he clutched at his weary fingers with a little force, letting the warmth of roughness of his own hands tell him that Daniel was there for him, that they were alright and that he would do anything to make the boy feel at ease, like he did to Daniel.

“This is all about you,” His mind was in a blur with words dancing in his mind like a wave before crashing the beach but Daniel continued in an earnest voice, “We will go just as you want.”

Daniel wrapped an arm around Jihoon’s shoulder and pulled him closer than ever, gently rubbing his arm. It only came to him now, what he had done was not only just a kiss but the start of something beautiful yet new, probably threw the younger in a sort of panic at this point. Despite the heaviness growing in his stomach, his heart fluttered at the feeling of Jihoon’s body pressed against his. The boy sunk into the warmth of his side, appreciative of his reassuring gesture. Under the dim light coming from the nightstand lamp, their cuddles are like a touch of heaven, together, simple and cozy. Daniel wished he could extend the night just so he could wrap the younger in his embrace a little longer. Jihoon’s arms linked right around him are like magic, sending him a sense of peace he’s long forgotten and had no idea how much he’s been craving for.

To touch, to feel Jihoon right next to him in the most platonic way, it’s like younger has become the spark to the flame within Daniel, the person who keeps him burning when the grip of all the negativity tries to condemn his light.

*

It was sort of a shock, to say the least when Daniel heard Hyunbin excused himself for not coming to Jaehwan and Sewoon’s performance on Friday night because he was going to meet his girlfriend’s parents that day. They were gathering at a table in the college cafeteria; Sungwoon and Jaehwan started acting out as the parents to mock Hyunbin, making Minhyun cry in laughter but Daniel couldn’t lift a muscle on his face. He felt like a hair stuck in his throat as the hit of reality settled upon him and his stomach clenched at the fact, it had been nearly two months since that one chilly November night and they had become entangled with one another but he and the gorgeous boy next door, Park Jihoon had not even been on a date. And to think of a date as in a proper one, with all of its meaning, they have not done anything like that.

No one should take the blame, Daniel thought while going over the details between them. Both he and Jihoon understood that it wasn’t a normal relationship, according to all the social norms that should be gone. This is a relatively large town but that does not mean a young man in his twenties and a high school student could hold hands walking down the streets or show even just a little bit of intimacy towards each other. It also does not help with the fact that Jihoon is sixteen years old, which means regardless he likes it or not, the boy has to spend second-third of a normal day at school then at extra classes so the times they could be alone together were only Saturday nights when Jihoon came over to play games and occasionally slept in until the next morning. Daniel did take the younger out a few times, mostly to the movie theatre when the dates somehow fitted in Jihoon’s insane study schedule and Mrs. Park had no worries about him going out to see a movie with the nice son of the neighbour, who often takes care of her kid, also her grandchild. They had a good time together, in the back row of the movie theatre, behind the trees of the public parks, with impatient hands and shaky breath, the world fell away in between their messy kisses. On the way back home, they would stop by the night market for something that can satisfy their taste buds better than popcorns and soft drinks at the cinema, the usual would be fried chicken for Jihoon and tteokbokki for Daniel. Sometimes Daniel would let Jihoon take a few sips of his drink when the stall wasn’t so crowded and the owner did not bother to bat an eye to the two.

Falling in love might be the worst type of crimes, or so it seems to Daniel. But that should not mean they could not do the regular couple things. He rested further against the back of his chair and ran a hand through his hair, he wanted a nice date with Jihoon but he had no idea when the last time he went on an actual date was. The thought kept following him till the next class, he couldn’t focus on anything the professor said or what his friends sitting around talk over the others. Daniel ripped a paper out of his notebook and started wracking his brain for some date plans but after half an hour had passed, he realized he wasn’t exactly sure where and how people take their significant other on a romantic date. In all the rom-com movies he had ever watched, going on a picnic and eating at a nicely decent restaurant seem to be pretty fine but taking Jihoon to a fancy place for dinner does not sound right and it’s only a few degrees above freezing outside now, so Daniel crossed “restaurant” and “picnic” off the list. A trip away would be nice, Daniel bit the inside of his cheek in frustration, no doubt some changes of atmosphere and breathtaking scenery would be perfect but he is not sure how to tell Mrs. Park and his mother they will go on a trip, just only two of them. The whole being romantic thing was more difficult than it supposed to be and it was giving Daniel a headache.

“What are you up to?”

Daniel had abandoned his noisy friends to sit behind them but it’s break time now and Jaehwan is bored, so he had to bother someone.

Daniel was startled, his head snapped up and frantically covered the paper from Jaehwan’s view. Despite his reputation for being dense all the time, Jaehwan noticed Daniel’s odd behaviour, his face broke out into a mischievous grin.

“You’re lying,” Jaehwan bent his whole body forward and tried to get the paper, “Let me see!”

“Nothing,” Daniel hissed, holding onto it with a death grip, “Go annoy someone else.”

“What damn secret are you hiding?” Jaehwan gave up but still did not let go of his curiosity, wiggling his eyebrows at Daniel, “Is that some kind of saucy love letter to your boyfriend?”

“What the fuck?” – Daniel exclaimed in disbelief.

“Daniel’s got a boyfriend?”  – Hyunbin turned around, mouth hanging open like a door.

Daniel groaned, and sighed in defeat before muttering some details between him and Jihoon officially became a thing and he wanted to have a nice date with the younger, then preparing himself for the laugh and inescapable embarrassment. But he did not receive any tease from his friends; Hyunbin complained about the lack of updates he’s got from everyone in their group lately while Jaehwan tried to come up with some suggestions. Nevertheless, everyone knows asking Jaehwan for relationship advice is like asking a mechanic how to make lasagna, so Daniel quietly crossed all the given ideas in his head.

“Have you thought of an aquarium date?” – Hyunbin suggested.

“Is it good? Did you and Chaeyoung go there often?” Daniel listened carefully. If there’s anyone among his friends who he could ask for date ideas then that person should be Hyunbin, he has been a relationship for two and a half years with his girlfriend.

“Actually no. Because she is scared of squids, but we went to the zoo on our second date and it went pretty well. So, I don’t know,” Hyunbin paused a second to smack Jaehwan on his head for attempting doodling on his course book, “Just consider. And have fun.”

*

The idea of going to the aquarium is adequate, Daniel decided to ask Jihoon later when the younger came over so he could use some help from Daniel with Math and English exercises.

“You’re distracting, hyung,” Jihoon casually said, not looking up from his notebook.

They were sitting in Daniel room, Jihoon’s books and worksheets were scattering all over the bed while the younger was doing his homework on the lap desk that Daniel found in the storage the day before. Not until Jihoon called Daniel out did he realize he had been doing thumb-around nonstop while staring at the younger like he was hypnotized.

“I’m thinking,” Daniel started, all of sudden his stomach twisted at an imaginary worry, what if Jihoon was afraid of squids, too, or fish? Then the whole idea of visiting the aquarium would be a disaster. Daniel was so determined about it that he hadn’t thought of a backup plan.

“What’s up, hyung?” Jihoon finished the final sentence in his English essay and finally looked up; a smile gradually growing on his face helped Daniel relax a bit.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea,” Daniel scratched the back of his neck, “I didn’t think thoroughly but, I,”

“You’re sweating,” Jihoon folded his arms and said in a teasing tone, “Out with it, Niel.”

“I bought two tickets to the aquarium this Sunday. Would you like,” Daniel spluttered, “to go on a date with me?”

Jihoon smiled broadly, then it turned into a soppy grin that usually makes his cheeks puff out and his eyes go into the form of two crescent moons. A flitting feeling tickled Daniel’s chest gently at first before a whole kaleidoscope of butterflies took up residence in his stomach.

“That sounds great, hyung,” Jihoon continued smiling, “Why were you so nervous? I thought you wanted me to go home.”

Daniel turned red, muttering under his breath “I-was-afraid-you-don’t-like-fish.” that made Jihoon laugh and laugh until his sides got sore. The younger returned his focus on his homework and at around midnight, he went back home after placing a soft kiss on Daniel’s cheek then practically ran out of his room.

*

Sunday came and Daniel spent an extra effort flicking back and forth between the array of clothes in his wardrobe before settling with a casual looking outfit and the velvet knit woolen beanie Jihoon gave him on his birthday last month. He headed out and looked up; the sky was an overwhelming shade of blue. The movement of the clouds was barely perceptible as if they are too cold to obscure the sun and the sky in a freezing day like this. Jihoon answered the door and Daniel wondered if Mrs. Park ever had any say in her son’s choice of clothing. The younger was wearing a three-coloured shirt with a mid-length white cardigan sweater which obviously should be one size down to fit his body, but his ripped jeans and full-black sneakers were decent so Daniel just accepted what fate binds him: having a younger boyfriend with an extremely questionable fashion sense.

“I should have reminded you to bring a scarf,” Daniel said while buttoning up the younger’s cardigan when they got to the aquarium, “Or just take mine. It will be really cold today.”

Jihoon blushed as Daniel took off his scarf and wrap it around the boy’s neck, but he quickly bit his lower lip and punched the elder when he brightly said: “You look like a Pomeranian puppy, so cute.” Daniel yelped in pain, sometimes he still forgot that Jihoon has a lovely, cute face but he is indeed stronger than him. As they went inside, Daniel was in awe at the sight of multiple fish and other sea creatures in water tanks lit up in enchanting illuminations. Daniel was taken to this place on a field trip in elementary school once but he had no memory of the penguin hall or the extraordinary glass floor over a hallway of coral that makes him feel like walking under the sea. Jihoon seemed to be fascinated, too, the younger immediately went to “Jellyfish Rumble” area which is a large, triangular tank demonstrating the greatest variety of jellyfish, each one carries a nearly transparent body that looks like a shimmering and palpitating mass of white and light purple in the shape of whimsical Tiffany glass lamp. Beneath it was a pile of tentacles that hang down from the underside, sweeping the water in an unheard rhythm. There were lots of different types of jellyfish inside, illuminated by the ocean light while bobbing up and down along the length of the tank. Jihoon grabbed Daniel’s wrist and then both of them followed a bunch of jellyfish around together. The younger seemed to forget they were in the public but Daniel did not mind, either. They laughed when Jihoon tried to read the scientific names of the creatures on the display but failed hilariously. He decided to call them by nicknames based on their shapes and colours, from the “Upside Down Cabbage” which is a pearl coloured jellyfish with the umbrella towards the bottom, whereas mouth and tentacles are upwards to “Red Cannonball” with stubby amethyst arms peaking from underneath the red-fringed head and “Meanie Moonlight” who has a string of short but graceful mauve tentacles and gonads arranged in four distinctive circles that appeared very evidently through the flawless transparent bell. 

“Look, hyung,” Jihoon circled his index finger around a corner of the glass wall where a bunch of moon jellies were floating, “They move like a heart beating.”

“Don’t you know jellyfish don’t have a heart, lungs or a brain?” Daniel chuckled slightly. He made the right decision by taking Hyunbin’s suggestion. Jihoon fell in love with the aquarium while Daniel fell even deeper for the younger when he was intently watching the jelly swimming around cool blue water, both of his hands pressed on the glass and his fingers curled in fervour whenever his favourite one passed by and he pretended to catch all of them. Daniel held up his phone and got ready to snap a picture of Jihoon; the younger’s face was radiant in the dim light of the aquarium, and dazzling with the intensity of his excitement and daze towards the ocean creatures.

“I know, hyung. But they are just so transparent, and they swim like this,” Jihoon made a dance move with his hands, “Isn’t it like a heartbeat? They are transparent hearts you can see right through. Awesome, isn’t it?”

Daniel thought it was very stupid of him to feel jealous of some heartless jellyfish, but he wanted to take Jihoon’s hand then place it above his chest and tell him his heart is quite transparent too and the younger can have all of it. But instead, he gently nudged the boy and told they should hurry up before it passes the opening time of dolphin show. “Stars Are Underwater” was what the show called; Jihoon and Daniel were told the first front three rows of seats would get drenched when the real performers of the show, four dolphins jump to the highest. Daniel was hesitant, afraid that Jihoon might catch a cold but the younger had already asked the ticket staff to buy two rain ponchos and held Daniel’s hand walking straight to the wet zone. The dolphins moved in sync with the music for their performance. They responded well to the trainer’s request and danced together with the audience. Everyone was standing up and swaying to the cheery whistle booming in all corners of the stadium. From under the water that looked bluer than the ocean, the dolphins divided into two pairs leapt high into the air, crossing each other. From their shiny dark grey topside and white belly, heavy water droplets descended and showered everyone in the front rows then the dolphins flipped and went down with a huge splash. The audience clapped in unison and the trainer continued leading the stars of the show. Both Jihoon and Daniel got completely soaked, the younger scouted himself closer to Daniel then mindlessly held on his arm when he thought a dolphin was about to make another jump.  

Daniel reached forward and held Jihoon’s hand, the younger glanced down at their connection then looked up to a smiling Daniel, still the tenderness and warmth filled in his eyes filled. Their gazes intertwined and Daniel felt his heart leapt into his throat when Jihoon interlaced their fingers together, just loosely but never let go of their touch till the show came to the end.

*

They walked the rest of the way back home from the bus stop in silence, but it was the best kind of silence. It was the kind of silence where no words exchanged can be better than words. The neighbourhood was quiet as the night had fallen fast upon every roof in town and revealed the stars, sparkling like a thousand cracks on a giant black marble. Under the sky of perfect midnight blue velvet and the beautiful starlight, a sultry yet calming sound of the jazzy tune included in Jihoon’s favourite list played softly in Daniel’s mind. With Jihoon’s hand stuffed in the pocket of his coat and the unheard music twitching around, he thought how nice it would be if he pulled Jihoon close and kissed him beneath a blanket of stars.

But they were so close to their home and Daniel tried not to let himself feel a bit disappointed when Jihoon loosened the grip, then finally took his hand out when he spotted his mother was standing on the doorstep, with a tool in her hand and doing something with the doorbell. Mrs. Park noticed her son had come home; the mother gave a loving smile and told Daniel to come inside. She would heat up chicken soup for both of them but Daniel politely declined.

“Hyung, wait,”

Jihoon timidly reached out to catch a little bit of the fabric of Daniel’s coat, his hand was fidgeting. From this distance and with the help of the high fence, his mother could not see their hands and she was more focused on fixing the doorbell than the boys standing on the sidewalk.

“Thank you, it was really fun today,” Jihoon said quietly, “I really like spending time with you. And,” The younger took a deep breath and Daniel felt anxious already, wondering what could make Jihoon suddenly so nervous.

Jihoon fixed his eyes on Daniel for a moment then gently grabbed his left hand, twisted it so the palm was facing upward.

“Hyung, don’t say anything, okay?”

Jihoon started with his pointing finger touching Daniel’s palm then moving slowly as if he was writing something. And he was actually writing something.

“I,” Daniel blurted out. Jihoon’s mother turned around, probably thinking he called her.

“Shut up, Niel,” Jihoon hissed under his breath, his face flushed red, “Just guess. In your mind.”

Daniel nodded. And Jihoon continued with another word, his finger slightly trembled. _Maybe it’s the weather,_ Daniel thought.

“Like,”

Daniel was wrong. _It was not the low temperature._

“You,”

_Definitely not the cold._

Daniel couldn’t move. He might have forgotten how to breathe. He just stood there, frozen in the spot and felt his heart pounding his chest, echoing in his ears so loudly that it seemed to want to escape his chest like a bullet bounds to leave the gun. The sound is overpowering him as his breath got deeper and deeper by the second. It was just a simple gesture and Jihoon did it only because his mother was near but Daniel felt it, a loving sensation tugging at his heart and slowly spreading all over his body. It was peculiar, how Jihoon let his warmth seep into Daniel’s being and melt him into a puddle without ever opening his mouth.

“I’m going in, hyung.” Jihoon awkwardly patted his arm and Daniel could feel his mother is looking their way.

“See you around,” Daniel cleared his throat before turning his head towards Jihoon’s mother, “Goodnight, Mrs. Park. If you need me, I can fix the doorbell tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Daniel.”

It was wonderful night and before settling himself under thick blanket and falling asleep, Daniel sent a text message that was almost the same as the one Jihoon wrote in his palm earlier. A reply was sent to him instantly.

_“I know, hyung. Sleep tight.”_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write fluffs not tragedies ;;  
> Tell me if you like the aquarium date ;;


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